If you’ve lost a pet, you’ll know that one of the toughest emotions to deal with after pet loss is GUILT. The guilt after the death of a beloved pet can be so devastating that you have no idea how you can go on. That happens especially if your pet’s death did not occur in the peaceful way you had planned or hoped for.
Kia’s death
I can honestly say that this is something I know all about, because that’s exactly what happened when I lost my beloved cat Kia on the first of July 2012. She did not die peacefully at home with me and my husband – no, she died in the animal hospital, less than 24 hours after she was admitted, despite the fact that 3 different vets had examined her and said that she was in no immediate risk of dying.
Imagine the unbearable guilt that washed in over me and my husband, when we got a call at 5 am that Kia had passed away during the night. The feeling of having let her down was stronger than almost anything I’ve ever experienced, because she meant so much to me and deserved a peaceful death at home with us.
Trying to cope with the guilt and the loss
Whenever a pet dies, you will experience grief, as each pet and the connection you have with your pet is unique. So even though I have lost pets before and dealt with the grief in each case, the grief and guilt still came after the loss of Kia. And because of the way her death occurred, the guilt was extra strong this time. My husband and I talked through everything that happened many times and agreed that we had done the best we could, and that if we found ourselves in the same situation again another time, we would most likely have done the same thing.
The one technique that helps us immeasurably
The one thing that helps us most right now specifically dealing with the feelings of guilt (besides shamanic journeys for Kia and ourselves) is me checking in on and communicating with Kia regularly. I did it in the period before she died, and I do it every day here in the days after her death.
It is a simple technique which requires only openness and intention. I sit down with a pen and paper (not a computer); I’ve found that it works best when I actually write by hand – pen on paper.
I write down my question to Kia whom I then call on to join me, and ask my question out loud.
Then I write her name: “Kia:” – being ready and waiting for her to answer. The key here is to try to be quiet inside and open, and pay attention to the first sentence that appears in my mind. Once that happens, the writing often begins to flow; sometimes just for a few paragraphs, other times several pages.
To start, I suggest sitting comfortably in your home or garden. Maintain the intention and determination to contact your pet. Acknowledge your surroundings, give your greetings to the powers that be, or the spirits of the place, if you will. Write everything down. Call on your spirit helpers, even if you do not know that you have any. Then call on your pet. Write down and ask your question, both mentally and out loud.
Why do it?
Because it works. Not only does it help me cope; my husband eagerly awaits the messages from Kia and says it is the only thing that keeps him afloat. It has been only a week since Kia died, and we are much more at peace than we otherwise could have possibly imagined. There is no doubt that it is my connecting directly with Kia that has helped us more than anything else coping with guilt after her death.
If you are familiar with shamanic journeying, you’ll probably find that the conversations with your pet sometimes takes place during those journeys or that journeys happen during the conversations, but the good thing about the technique I mention here is that you don’t need any prior knowledge and can try it right away by yourself.
Selected messages from Kia after her death
… My love for you is unconditional and eternal. I loved you through your challenging times, and this last event is no different. How could I stop loving you? I couldn’t stop loving you, just as you couldn’t stop loving me. It’s just not possible. A love unconditional is exactly that: without conditions.
What you need now is to extend that unconditional love to yourselves. You know deep in your heart that you did the best you could and with the best of intentions….
…What happened to being in the present moment? You fear that, because you think it involves letting go – and losing – me. But if you allow yourself to be in the present – and let go of me – you’ll see that I’m not gone and that you can never lose me. Think of when you were out – fx at work – and I was home. You felt and trusted the connection with me, even though you couldn’t see me. Reconnect with that same trust now – I’m right behind the veil, one breath away.
…When you rest in presence, everything that happens, happens as it is supposed to. There is no right and wrong. Practice being in the field beyond right and wrong. When you manage that, you will truly see me.
Try it yourself
It helps me and my husband and it might also help you. It is worth a try. You might feel you can’t do it, but don’t give up before you try it. You won’t find out until you sit with your pen and paper, call on your pet and ask him or her to answer a burning question you have, and sit ready, waiting for the answer. Just write – you may be surprised.
This technique might not be for all, but if you can make it work for you, it will help you immensely. You might find that it is possible to actually be at peace and to keep the loving connection with your pet even after their death.
How do you know you are not making it all up?
It’s a common question which I also asked myself when I started. But I find that what is written down during those times is recognizably differently than how I normally write, and that the wisdom which comes through is also beyond my “normal” self, and certainly beyond anything my mind could come up with. Confirmation can come in a myriad of ways. One way can be when you communicate with other people’s pets and you receive information from the pet that only the pet and the owner can know about.
A meditation to help you get started
It might help you to do a short meditation before you start writing. You can for instance use my Inner Peace Meditation.
