Being Present With The Dying

[Editor’s note: This is a guest article written by Uma Girish, author of “Understanding Death: 10 Ways to Inner Peace for the Grieving.” Uma has written about a very difficult topic with much peace and grace, and I am honored to be sharing her article as part of my Virtual Book Tour.]

Being Present With the Dying

This morning as I sat in meditation, three words came to me. I knew then that the inspiration I was seeking for this blog post had arrived.

It was the spiritual teacher Ram Dass’ words of wisdom: Be Here Now.

Three perfect words. The only mantra that matters when a loved one is transitioning to the spirit realm.

Dying is about surrender.

Dying is about a peaceful letting go.

Dying is about every remaining breath.

For most of us, facing that final goodbye feels like a moment of utter powerlessness.

As a culture and a society, we have come to define our worth by “Doing.”

The more we do, the better we are. The more we get done, the more efficient we are. And over a period of time, our self-worth comes to hinge on how much we can get done in the shortest amount of time and how well we do it.

Unfortunately, there is nothing to do when a loved one is dying. There is only the waiting and the watching. I know this from the hours I have sat with many hospice patients and helped them journey homeward.

We are so ill-prepared for that. As long as the lab work needs to get done and the reports are coming in and the doctor’s appointments are being scheduled, we stay engaged, busy, active, and useful.

Now there’s nothing more to do. And so begins the struggle to sit still and be patient and let life and death take their course.

Be Here Now.

What does that even mean?

“Be” is being present. Being fully available to your loved one’s last few days, last few hours and last few moments. It could mean being present to their pain, their unconscious state or their incoherent babbling.

“Here” means the reality as it is. This is what the moment has to offer. Don’t fight it. Don’t resist it. Don’t try to make it anything other than what it is. Open your heart to what is with grace and gratitude.

“Now” is the present moment. Each new moment, every last breath. Be present to the gift of every moment as it arrives. This is all we ever have. Right here, right now.

I was thousands of miles away when my mother breathed her last in her own bed at home in India.

It was different when my father’s soul left. All four siblings were by his bedside during the last days and moments. We stood around his bed holding hands and prayed. We sang the songs of our childhood, the songs he’d taught us. We talked to him, reaffirmed our love.

It was a peaceful letting go. He left knowing he was loved.

The gift of presence is the most valuable gift you get to give someone you love. It is a sacred coming together. Be present for it.

***

Uma Girish

Uma Girish is a Grief Guide, Dream Coach and the author of “Understanding Death: 10 Ways to Inner Peace for the Grieving.” You can learn more about Uma on her website UmaGirish.com. Her book is available on Amazon.

Marianne’s book “Healing Pet Loss: Practical Steps for Coping and Comforting Messages from Animals and Spirit Guides” is available on Amazon. Amazon US | Amazon UK (If your pet is very sick or dying, see esp. chapter 1: “When Your Pet Is Dying“)