Anger is a powerful emotion, and one that many people find it difficult to control or handle. Many situations in life can trigger anger: being upset with the way your pet died, or even being angry with your pet for leaving you, or being angry with yourself for letting your pet down; having a disagreement with a partner, family member or colleague – the list is long. I cannot possibly cover all there is to say about anger management in one article, but in this article I will share some insights from a spirit guide of mine, which may give you a different perspective on anger and how to deal with it – and hopefully also give you the inspiration for dealing with anger in your own life.
It happened one day when I had been feeling a lot of anger, overwhelm, and stress myself. At the time I was taking a break and sitting out in the garden with my husband and our cat Minnie. It was a beautiful late-summer afternoon and the sun was shining. A large dragonfly showed up, flying close to us. He was flying all around, swooping past and making sudden changes of direction, and I wondered: “Does dragonfly have a message for me/us? If he does, please help me understand.” I had my notebook with me, so I started by writing my question and request for help and guidance. I connect with my spirit helpers and the following is an excerpt of what happened:
The anger has caused a lot of tension and pain in the solar plexus area. My main spirit helper/power animal comes, touches the area gently while singing softly. The painful energy loosens and lets go.
Then he says: “We need to fill the hole with positive energy – that is, energy in a form that you can use and that is beneficial to you. Anger creates pain and disrupts the flow of energy. It blocks healing and breaks down instead of building up. Your immediate goal is not to ‘get rid of’ anger – for that will just keep you stuck. No, your goal right now is to watch when anger comes up and not let it consume you – do not identify with it, but watch it play out and see how it disappears more easily and quickly when you don’t ‘drown’ in it. You can experience it fully, but know that you are not it. Imagine how powerful the energy would be if you could channel it into something constructive.”
M: “How do I do that?”
SH (spirit helper): “By asking: ‘What am I resisting?’ Anger often comes when you are stuck in wanting things to be a certain way. It’s an inability to be in the present moment, a wanting to control life, expecting others to react the way you would want them to. Anger comes when you experience something as ‘unfair’.
Your job is not to ‘control’ others – or life – your job is to take responsibility for your own actions.
Instead of being consumed by anger and resist what is – you accept the situation and ask yourself: “How can I best handle this situation? What is my part in this and what do I need to do?” Taking responsibility for everything that happens in your life doesn’t mean you blame yourself for everything that happens; when you do it, you will realize that taking responsibility actually puts you in a place of power, because you realize that you are the one who is responsible for how you feel, and by taking responsibility for how you feel and act, you won’t buy into or get sucked into other people’s issues. You will find that you can much easier create the life that you want – and get peace of mind.
It’s easy to get stuck in the thought that ‘conditions’ or your surroundings have to be a certain way for you to get peace and be happy – but even though your environment of course plays a big part in your well-being and state of mind, you can’t solely depend on that. If you do, you will never get (lasting) peace or happiness. There will always be unexpected events, challenges coming your way. It’s how you handle them that is important.”
M: “Ok. What does this have to do with dragonfly?”
SH: “Dragonfly helped you stop and pay attention. He is a messenger, inviting you to step beyond your “surface self” and look for the deeper knowledge. He is asking you to see and step past the illusion and seek the wisdom of your higher self and your guides. He is a magical being that causes you to stop and step up, and he connects you with the alternate reality which is close and available anytime – you just have to become aware of it.”
M: “What about the ‘hole’ in my solar plexus?”
My power animal then sings in front of me, and with his singing a beautiful soft but powerful energy flows into me, filling me up with light.
M: “That’s it?”
“Yes, it’s actually quite simple.”
I say thanks to my spirit helper and the dragonfly and end the journey.
Action steps
- Next time you feel anger coming, try to pay attention and don’t get drawn into an automatic, impulsive reaction. Don’t suppress the anger, but try to become a witness. Counting to 10 or taking some deep breaths before reacting can help diffuse the anger and help you become more in control of the way you deal with the anger. Sometimes it may help to go for a long walk to cool down before you take action, respond or deal with the situation.
- In the case of a dying or deceased pet, you are perhaps feeling that life has been unfair, or that you or someone else did something wrong or failed to do something. Here part of the challenge is to acknowledge the situation, stay in the present moment and – without blaming yourself or anyone else – simply ask yourself or your spirit helpers: “What is the best thing I can do in this situation?” The main thing is to find the most harmonious way to deal with the situation in the best interest of everyone involved. Perhaps re-read the section about taking responsibility above, so that you can use what you are going through to learn from and grow.
- Your own pet and any animals you encounter can be your teachers, as can power animals and other spirit guides. You can work with them consciously, as in the case above. A place to start is simply to pay attention to nature and animals around you and notice if anything stands out – like in the case of the dragonfly. Besides asking the animals you meet and your spirit helpers for guidance, you can also look up the qualities of the animals you encounter, either online (search for ‘animal totem’) or in a book such as for example Ted Andrews’ book “Animal Speak“. But if you read other people’s descriptions of the qualities of animals, make sure you take your own intuition into account too as to what the meaning of the encounter or the message of the animal could be. Also, try not to over-analyze the meaning of an animal encounter; sometimes there’s no need to understand intellectually.
What are some of the situations you experience anger, and how do you usually deal with it? Please share in the comments below.
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