(Q & A) How can I forgive myself and move on when I was not there when my dog died?

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This is an article in the Healing Pet Loss Question and Answer Series.

A woman recently approached me, devastated by the loss of her beloved dog that had been part of her life for the past 12 years. A big family vacation had been planned for over a year and the day before they were to leave, their dog suddenly became ill. The vet diagnosed him with congestive heart failure and gave the dog an injection and some medication for the woman to give to her dog, telling them to return in two weeks’ time. After careful consideration, they decided to go on the vacation and leave the dog home with someone who would watch and care for him while they were gone. At the time they left, the dog’s health was about the same, not better but not worse. Unfortunately, while they were gone, the dog quickly got worse and died the day before they arrived home. The woman was heartbroken with guilt for not staying home and being there when her dog died and asked how she could possibly forgive herself and move on after that.

As I usually do, I tuned in to my spirit helpers to access their vast well of wisdom and compassion. What came out of it was the following magical journey, and the dog returned with a most beautiful message that I share here so that others who find themselves in a similar situation may receive comfort and healing in the midst of their own grief.

Here is what happened:

I start by becoming present in my body. That’s always the first step. Being here now, not wanting or trying to be other places too. Then I find myself on a beach, standing at the edge of the sea with the waves gently lapping and touching my feet. I feel the air, fresh sea air, on my body, and breathe it in. I take a deep breath and exhale stress, confusion, and inhale focus, strength, light – doing it until I radiate light.

One of my spirit guides comes out from the shade between some trees with a woman. I say her name. She looks up and nods. She is sad.

I greet her warmly. She says: “How do I let go of guilt? I should have been there. He died without me.” Her tears are rolling down her cheeks.

My spirit guide takes her hand. “Look”, he says and points out over the sea. The sun is shining on the water, shimmering, like little diamonds. Suddenly out of the light appears a dog, radiating the brightest and most beautiful light as he sits before her. She squints and looks, and then she calls out the dog’s name in amazement.

The dog makes a little “Woof” and says: “I’m glad I finally got to talk with you. I’m here to bring you blessings and light. I was a light in your life when I was alive. Let me continue to be a light on your path through life now that I have passed. It’s only my physical body that’s gone, remember that. My spirit is strong and radiating the light and love that I have always been a channel for. It’s my ability to love unconditionally that allows me to embody and pass on such light and love. Do not dwell on the events leading up to my death. You did the best you could with the knowledge you had, and you need to forgive yourself. Let the unconditional love you have for me also include yourself. When you allow yourself to live and act from a place of unconditional love, you have fulfilled your life’s purpose. I’m your little light now and forever. Be happy and share my light where you can. That’s the best way you can honor me.”

She bends down and embraces the dog, and the dog’s light surround them both, and as she gets up, she’s standing more straight, and the darkness she had been carrying is now gone and replaced with light and joy.

She thanks the dog and waves joyfully to him as he returns to the light from which he came.” I will always remember this meeting”, she says. “How could I have forgotten he’s my little light? Nothing can ever take that away. Now I know he’s by my side lighting my way.” And she looks with gratitude out over the sea at the light dancing on the water.

“Thank you”, she says to us. Then we say goodbye and she walks off.

I thank my spirit guides for their help.

I hope the dog’s beautiful message will bring peace and healing to you, and comfort you in your time of grief after losing your beloved animal companion.

PS: For more healing messages from animal companions in the afterlife, see also my book “Healing Pet Loss – Practical Steps for Coping & Comforting Messages from Animals and Spirit Guides“.

Comments

  1. i just lost my one year old puppy named Rolo, to heat stroke,

  2. Christine says

    My dog died yesterday. I wasnt with him for a long time because I had to leave our hometown to study medicine. When I left it was my parents and maids who were watching over him. But when he died, my parents were not home too. I could not accept the fact that I didnt even say good bye, not even a phone call for him to hear my voice. I didnt know he was dying already because i was away from home. Now if feel devastated because i wasnt there when he was suffering during his final hours. Now Im left wondering if whatw as running through his thoughts when he was dying already. My heart is broken, its shattered. :( <|3

  3. Dana Tate says

    I lost my golden retriever (sadie)at the age of 18 years old she was with me every day for 18 years I have no kids ,no family ,very few friends she was my life .I also was a vet tech at the SPCA ,Humane Society and A few vet veterinarian’s, she also came with me to work every day ,the time came when ever she could no longer get up to go to the bathroom which broke my heart to see her laying in her urine ,she had cancer ,tumor was the size of a cantaloupe. I couldn’t take seeing her suffer any any much longer so I took her to a vet that was well-known ,it was a holiday, her regular vet was closed,I regret not telling this is that practice that I was also a certified to euthanize and did it for a long time because if I would’ve said something they wouldn’t have blown her vein and she wouldn’t have suffered for 45 min of screaming urinating ,defecating and going through the phases of euthanasia every vet tech fears whenever you blow the vein.well it was happening to my baby, my Sadie.to make a very long story short I felt like I let her down ,I felt like ,still feel like I should’ve let God take her instead of bringing her to a vet that blew her Vein and I had to watch her suffer for 45 minutes Bring normally it should take three minutes of him going peacefully , I let her down, she trusted me, and I can’t forgive myself for that or not relive that day every single day so for the last 1 1/2 .I miss her so much and wonder if she forgives me and ifshe’s waiting for me in heaven

  4. angela zad says

    Just adding to my comment, in case it wasn’t clear. My Gracenote did not survive the attack. She lasted 3 days back and forth from the Vet and died this New Years eve, 2013. Thank you

  5. angela zad says

    Roxanne, I so sympathize with your feelings of guilt. I was walking my rescue chihuahua mix (leashed) when an unleashed pit bull ran up to us and attacked her. The three of us were on the ground fighting and finally I ran away with my dog. There was no one around to help. Her screams of pain is something I can’t get out of my head. Why didn’t I pick her up quickly as I have done in the past when scary dogs come at us? As I replay the scene over and over in my mind, I think I had time to do so. To make it worse, my precious dog originally belonged to my mother, who passed away 2 years ago. I promised her I would look after dear Gracenote. I failed both of them. I keep coming back to this site. Some things I read aren’t necessarily helpful to me, but then something else will be. Just keep reading the various perspectives and eventually I hope something here can help you. You are certainly not alone in your misery. Thanks for listening. It’s helpful just to type this (as I’m crying my eyes out).

  6. Thank you for this article – tears are falling down my face after reading it. Three years ago I had to leave my very sick dog in a critical care hospital to travel to my mother’s side after she fell and broke her hip. I felt so incredibly torn…feeling that I needed to be in both places. I was heartbroken and devastated to have to make “that” horrible decision the day after I left and to know that I wasn’t there to hold my beloved Petey (who I’d adopted only 1 1/2 years previously) as he died. I truly have never forgiven myself, and this article helps to bring me comfort. I will be bookmarking it to refer to often.

  7. Roxanne Williford says

    I wish I could feel that my Toby forgives me.when I left him with the Vet.all I could hear was these little guys usually pick up quickly,I left him for overnight shots of vitamin K thinking he’s got to get better..he didn’t I got the call the next morning that has devastated my life. My baby passed early that morning with people he didn’t like without me to even say good by.All I remember is his sad little face as I left. I hate myself for leaving my Baby with them. If only I had stayed . I miss Toby so much and I’m afraid he will never forgive my stupidity.If only I could have a do over.R

    • Rebecca says

      Roxanne, I am so sorry for your loss. I have lost three dog daughters in the past year and a half so I know you must feel awful. I have found comfort in Marianne’s writings. Maybe you can, too. You weren’t stupid. You were taking care of your baby the best way you knew how. Dogs are all about love, so if there IS anything to be forgiven, then Toby has already done so. I wish you all the best and hope you can connect with your baby, perhaps in a dream, or with the tools Marianne provides.

  8. Alejandra Guillén says

    I don’t know who you are, I don’t know anything about you. I just know I want to go and hug you now and say “thank you”.

    Alejandra

  9. Jacque Ellis says

    There are so few words to describe such great comfort. Thank you.

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