The loss of a beloved pet is often accompanied by intense feelings of guilt and regret. You probably find yourself regretting things you did, or failed to do – before, during, or after your pet’s death. You might also experience a need for forgiveness, yet at the same time believe that you cannot or shouldn’t be forgiven.
- Perhaps you decided to euthanize your pet because he or she was in pain, and now you’re not sure you did the right thing.
- It could be you didn’t have the money to pay for expensive treatments when your pet was very ill and you saw it as a last resort to have him euthanized – and now you feel overwhelmed with guilt and regret
- You may regret not having had enough time (or taking the time) to spend with your pet.
- You may feel that you are at fault for not providing a better quality of life for your pet.
- You may blame yourself for missing or ignoring warnings or signs.
Seeking forgiveness after pet loss
There are many reasons why we might feel guilty after the death of our beloved pet. We love our animal companions so much and feel a huge sense of responsibility. We want to give our pets the best care we can possibly give them. So when our beloved pet dies we can easily end up judging and blaming ourselves, and we can be consumed by guilt and find it very difficult or even impossible, to forgive ourselves.
If you find yourself deep in remorse and guilt and are unable to forgive yourself when your pet has died, then the grieving process can become exceedingly difficult and can take a very long time to resolve. Self-punishment will not help.
There are many ways to deal the guilt and self-blame after pet loss, and I will not be able to go into them all here. In this article I will present one perspective. The perspective in this article is from one of my spirit guides, a source of great wisdom. The following is a message I received when I asked about guilt and forgiveness after pet loss:
Guilt, blame, and being unable to forgive – either someone else or yourself – is a holding on to something; wanting something to be different than it is. It is basically not accepting the present moment. Whatever led to this present moment is what you cannot accept. You want to change something that cannot be changed, so blame or guilt is futile.
The first step is to enter a state of inner peace, for instance through meditation, and from there look at the situation and what led to this situation. Look at it without judging, and accept responsibility for your part in what happened. Then you can go over some questions:
- Could you have done something differently?
- What would you do if it happened again?
- What have you learned from this situation?
- How can you do better next time?
But keep in mind that in most situations you are simply doing the best you know how at the moment. Feeling guilty and blaming yourself or someone else keeps you in the pain. It prevents you from taking a step into the unknown future you are facing.
In the case of pet loss, there is an underlying denial, a refusing to accept the loss of a beloved pet, or refusing to accept the way it happened. The separation feels like part of yourself was split off or was taken from you.
When you used to think of yourself and your life, your pet was always part of that – part of you and part of your life. Without your pet, what are you then? Feel what that new spacious you is.
Through meditation, through surrendering to what is, you will reach an inner peace that will follow you wherever you go, just as you will realize that the love you shared with your pet was never lost and will always be part of you.
Try this now:
Can you look at yourself and your situation without judging, without blaming – just letting it be as it is? Feelings and resistance will come up – when they do, allow them to be there and notice the peace and stillness there is underneath all those chaotic feelings. Observe what happens within you. Who is the observer? You are not your thoughts and feelings – they change constantly.
Do a daily meditation or deep relaxation where you practice observing and not judging or blaming – and see what happens.
Action steps
Here’s what you can do to implement some of the suggestions from above.
- First do a meditation to calm your mind, emotions and body, for example the Inner Peace Meditation
- Then allow yourself to experience the situation you are in, the grief and the loss, and notice what thoughts and emotions come up. Do this without judging!
- End by asking yourself the questions above. Write down the answers (in longhand) in a journal or notebook
Besides setting time aside to to the exercises above, you can also, during your daily activities, practice being mindful and notice when you go into the “self-blame” mode. When you do, then try not to identify with the thoughts and feelings; practice just watching. Return to this exercise when you need to.
My most trusted buddy in the world my Poppa passed away Feb 12. I noticed he was bleeding from his butt and rushed him to the vet besides the blood he was ok. By the time I got there he had vomited and was weak. I got a nurse to help me get him inside where they did a million tests. They noticed he ate something which showed up pretty big in his belly. They advised me to leavr him there to rehydrate him give him meds and stabilize him for surgery to remove the object. Later the first night they called me and told me his temp had dropped a little to low. Doc said I’m giving him more antibiotics and fluids and hopefully he’s a little better in the morning. But I was shocked when they called me and told me my Poppa died of septic shock. my heart instantly sank I couldn’t understand what they were saying to me. I got dressed and rushed to the vet and the heart I had left shattered when I seen it was real and my tears and sadness overwhelmed me. After I laid w him for a while I realized I had to leave and he wouldn’t be coming with me. As soon as I thought about it I felt so much guilt that the dog that was so loyal to me died alone. I wonder if he wondered where I was and what was happening I wonder if he was sad and dissapointed in me. I love him so much. I wish I wouldve gone to the vet when. they called to update me but they didn’t make it seem like he was so sick. I hate he spent his last few hours alone I feel like I failed him and he’ll never know how sorry I am.
Reggie was our 15 yo Yorkie who passed on Jan. 1. We took him in to get blood work to clean his teeth back in May. The blood work showed a problem with his kidneys. We changed his diet and went back again, still not better. We knew it would probably be his last year. We watched him loose some of his hearing and sight. He became lost, confused and incontinent. He became very thin, even though he was eating. When I returned home after a week of being gone, he was skeletal and we made an appointment with the vet because he appeared to be suffering. It was a weekend, New Years Eve, and I took that Saturday to hold him and tell him how much I loved him. I fed him water through a dropper. We celebrated together, then I fell asleep. I woke up the next morning and he was gone. I really haven’t experienced so much grief and guilt ever in my life as I have over losing him. I’ve been reading a lot on overcoming the grief, but it’s been less than 48 hrs and I am a hot mess. I thought writing about him would help me. Certainly reading everyone’s stories has allowed me to think this is all a normal process and I need to give myself some time. The guilt is the WORST emotion I’ve ever felt. We agreed he was old, that he lived a good life, and that we would let nature take its course. I was so afraid we would be judged that we didn’t do enough and that the vet would think we starved him. We made that appointment knowing very well we would probably be euthanizing. It’s very painful and hope that we all will find peace and comfort knowing we loved our pets and they would not want us to feel this way.
My beloved 7 yr old Juanita passed away in my arms yesterday morning.. she had kidney failure as well and lost so much weight… I went out that night and came home at 3am… she was just laying there, so I picked her up took her to my bed hugged her and fell asleep while holding her only to wake up at 5:00 and notice she was gone.. I shouldn’t have gone out that night, and I truly believe that God gave me the opportunity to return home on time to hug her .. she didn’t die alone… but I miss her horribly and I know I could have done more for her, but I loved her dearly, too.. i wish I could see her again, and tell her how much I love her…
I have nowhere else to speak my mind, without facing condenment for my actions, so i’ll express here as i look for ways to cope with what iv done. I am an animal lover, i would give my own life to save that of an animal, i volunteer my time for wildlife and i cant even kill flies or spiders. I have a love of birds and planned on breeding birds. I wanted them to have a newly built fancy cage with lots of toys and swings, so while i underwent construction, i placed all my birds inside – the macaws free roam the house but tend to stay on a double cage, i have two sets of caiques and had a pair of sun conures. The sun conures where my newest addition, the female – named pyro, was tame, she loved attention and affection, and we got along instantly. She would rub her head on my cheek, and would make a kiss noise when i went to give her kisses. Manny, the male was aviary bred but accepted nuts from my hand. During the construction of the larger aviaries as i had all the birds inside, i had to keep the conures covered during the night and day, as the sight of the macaws made them panic. I would put food in for them daily through the little side door but couldnt see in. but was always assured by the noise they made. I know it sounded cruel but it was supposed to be a temporary measure, until their fancy fun filled large aviary was complete. I went to get the female out yesterday and to my horror i discovered both my babies were dead… and it WAS my fault…none of this “accidental events leading up” it was literally no-one elses fault but my own, i had forgotten to give them water. I had been so stressed out about money with christmas coming, a relative had commited suicide by gassing in a vehicle, My mum and i said our goodbyes to our 16yr old family pet who was my mums rock, then two days later mums in hospital as she has incurable cancer, so my mind was always elsewhere, and not where it should have been. I even recall seeing the male making sqwarking noises as i changed the food and water of the caiques cage next to the conures, then figured the caiques can go in their outdoor cage for the day (i was supposed to do the conures food and water straight after the caiques but got distracted when i took the caiques out into their play cage) and i forgot… I cant beleive i would be capable of such negligence, I crawled into a ball and screamed when i saw their lifeless bodies, Manny was still clinging to the side of the cage, the same place i last saw him when i changed the water and food for the caiques, while Pyro, my sweet innocent little girl, was on her back, she looked as though she has been dead for a day or two, the bottom of her beak was missing, possibly from the male trying to wake her. I dont know how to cope, i’d give my own life if it could bring those precious little souls back. Im struggling to be a mum since it happened i just dont want to live with what iv done. I wrote them a letter, and read it to them before placing them to rest, it explained how sorry i am, and i never meant to cause them pain and suffering. Alot of people say “think of the good times” but sadly i only had them a month and a half and its when i started building the large aviaries, so to make things worse, these poor babies spent the last month of their lives confined in a tiny cage covered with a blanket… It was supposed to be temporary but now look what iv done… iv caused them not only death, but misery. I HATE myself… i want to tear my own hair out for what iv done, my heart aches and i want to scream. How does one cope when the death not only caused slow suffering and misery, but was 100% at fault of the owner?
Please don’t be hard on yourself when you had so much going on in your life! It was just a mistake. I hate myself because I had to have my cat put to sleep, he was 19 but I want him back so much. But we’re only human, you loved your birds, you sound so lovely & caring & I’m upset that you are so hard on yourself when you have so much sorrow in your personal life, please don’t be that way, it was just a mistake because you had so much stress & you’re a lovely person xxx
I had my cat Molly for almost 13 years I had to put her down and feel so guilty that I did not try to get her better. I am so naive about cats and some of the conditions they can get, so when she started acting strange, I had a vet come in and she told me she had stage 3 Kidney failure. They put her on another diet, and told me this would slow the process of her kidneys down. They gave me information about kidney failure and said she could have months or 3 years to live. I waited more than a week a half latter and saw she was not geting any better, she was eating but she was acting very lathgetic and hidding in different place, she seemed very sad. I took her to another vet for a 2nd opinnion and she also had borderline hyperthroism, hypertension and was very dehydrated and thought she had heart mummur. I think the vet was going to try to treat her, and I said do you think she should be put down. The vet said she was glad I said that because thout Molly had so many things wrong with her, it would be the most loving thing I could do. Now I feel that I should of tried more treatments before I put her down. I really was very frightened if she went into stage 4 kidney failure and did not want her to expiernce all of that. Do you think I did the right thing. I cannot hardly function feeling I took her life too soon, I will always regret it, I am forever crying, not eat not sleeping and always thinking about her. I also have another cat and sometime I feel I am ignoring him by thinking about her all the time. I wish I could be forgiven.
I had to put my 13 yr old cat fluffy down this morning. Vet said she had a mass that was cancerous she hadn’t been eating right for 3 weeks with diarea I feel so bad she was my world I feel so guilty he said he could try operation for 1300 dollars but no guarantee she was starving to death just so hard to cope
I just put my girl Joanie down after 14 years and feeling very grief stricken and also left wondering if I should have waited. She had a jaw tumor that was pushing her test out of alignment and was always trying to get rid of it by rubbing her face and licking her teeth. When the vet gave me my options I realized not only could I really not afford it all but there were no guarantees and did I really want to put my cat through all of that? I had her euthanized while I stroked her and told her I loved her. Even though I felt I was doing the right thing I am now so stricken with grief and guilt thinking I should have waited. Its so hard. I keep telling myself that she knew I loved her and we really did have a good long run of it.
similar thing happened to me today with my 14 year old cat. she’s been poorly for a week or so but this morning when we woke she couldn’t stand and she seemed to have lost so much weighted over night. had her put to sleep this morning and I’m feeling so bad a guilty like it’s all my fault and that she should still be here with me now
I had my staffy for a year and a half since he was 2 months old. Very playfull, cheerfull… One night he woke me up vomiting, but only once. I ignored that since it happened to him many times before. Night after he woke me up again vomiting but that was loads of it. So took him to the vet. The vet said that the best option is to take him to hospital since he’s been throwing up bile. However since I was costs concern I was given cheaper option which was treatment in the vets clinic – IV fluid. However following night he continued vomiting so I took him a first thing in the morning once again where I was told to leave him in a clinic through a day. When I came back in the evening he was cheerfull once again. I was told he was given IV fluids and had some x-ray scans and bloods – everything seemed to be almost normal. So he was discharged and I took him back home with me. But within an hour he started vomiting again. So following day I took him once again to the vet where I said that I’m taking him now to hospital. When arrived and explained everything last thing I remember was him looking at me and disappearing behind the door with the vet. Next day he had an operation – they’ve found a ball in his stomach. Howevere never picked up from the operation – like a swing – in the morning he was better and later deteriorated and like that for three days. Never visited him… I was ready to spend on vets up to 2.5k£ but told them that can’t go any higher. And then I was given an option to sign him over to them so they’ll treat him and put him for rehoming. I thought – was case scenario – yes. But few hours after they rang me again and said that he’s still in a pain and now he’s been for quite a while on methadone. So they suggested that maybe it’s better option to put him to sleep. So I told them – why don’t you sign him over to you and treat him but they said that if there was a chance to traet him they would do it… They asked me if I could come and be with him but unfortunately I just started my shift. So I gave them my verbal permition to put him to sleep. And I think that I should at least ask them to wait till the morning so I could be with him in his last minutes not leaving him with strangers without somebody he knew… And really I don’t think I’ll ever forgive that myself as his pack leader… And here it is where I really failed him…
Last Thursday we lost Milly, our pug. She was 12 years old. Her death was sudden. We are in shock and crushed. Milly had lost her hearing over the summer. We had taken her in for an exam to try to figure out why and an deep ear cleaning was recommended to see if they could regain some of her hearing. For this she had to be sedated. We had her blood checked to be sure her body could process the sedation – but I think this was focused on her liver / kidney function. Because after they sedated her, her heart stopped and they could not resuscitate her. I am consumed by grief and guilt. I feel so responsible for letting her go in for this procedure when she was clearly too old. How could I have not known better? I miss her so much and feel that I put her in harm’s way. I did not understand it was such a risk. She was peppy before we went in. I keep seeing her little face when I left her, afraid at the vet. I told her I’d see her soon. She seemed in good health, and was – which the blood test showed. The vet said it could have been an underlying heart condition that went undetected. I wish I had had a chance to say good bye. I just want to get to a better place with this so I can focus on the love.
My beautiful boy, Meeko, passed away on Saturday. I tried to feed him dinner but he only ate a few pieces. I looked at my husband and told him I thought he was dying. He seemed to be breathing harder than normal. About 4 hours later, 1:30 am, I heard a little cough. I went to check and he was lying in the hall, breathing hard. I wasn’t sure what to do. I hate myself for not finding at 24 hour vet and taking him straight there. I woke my husband after watching him for a while. He worsened throughout the night. More than once we thought about taking him to a 24 hour vet. I even called at one point about 4:30 am, but then he seemed to settle a bit. A couple hours later my regular vet opened and we took him there. My vet’s exact words were, out of what he thought was my earshot; “I have to go deal with the cat lady.” He certainly took his time getting us back there. Once he realized the severity of the situation he took him back for xrays, but he passed away on the table. The vet came to us and simply said, “well, he’s gone.” It took us a moment to realize what he was saying and then we both just collapsed into tears. His lungs, heart sac and chest were full of fluid. A few hours later the vet called to tell us it was his hypertrophic cardiomyapathy, and blamed me for not taking our cats for annual exams. He told me that they could have found it and treated it. I hate myself. I can’t even begin to describe how much I hate myself. I failed him. I found him as a stray 7 years ago, and spent weeks getting him to inch closer to me. I finally caught him, took him to the vet and he came to live with us, but when he needed me most, I failed him. I haven’t taken my kids for annual exams. If there’s a problem, noticeable lumps or urinary problems, which 4 of them have, I take them, but I’ve never done just annual exams. It’s destroying me knowing how much I failed him. How God gave me this beautiful creature to care for and I let him die. I hate myself so much.
do not please guilty. I pretty much agree with you that if a cat is not very old and/or suffering for an ongoing basis, that there’s not a need to take them in yearly. even if you did, they may not have caught it. also, the cost is not cheap. you gave him food, water, shelter and UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. he may not have received any of this and died alone on the street. please remember that!
Peppy hwas shy most of his life, but he was always near me. I was moderately concerned when he had difficulty trying to move his bowels unsuccessfully. That is when I should have taken him to the vet…but I didn’t A couple of days later, my husband and I prepared for a two day trip (an important one for him), and as we got into the car I saw Peppy again trying to move his bowels. I cannot forgive myself for going on the trip.. I knew I would take him to the vet upon our return, but when we came home, he had died. I cannot understand my decision and I am completely distraught. My husband also loved our Peppy. He is now distant with me. I don’t know how I can survive my guilt and loss.
It is hard to lose somebody you love, everyone would change certain things in their lives with hindsight. You did not believe at the time it was that serious and did agree to take Peppy upon your return. Nobody really wants to believe their pet is seriously ill as they are usually so robust more so than humans. Just remember you did love Peppy your husband may be distant as he feels guilt and loss too.
I believe that it was only that you loved Meeko so very much that you had in some way blanked yourself to his immediate suffering and also that you wished for him to die peacefully with you and family at home. I am sure that he had a wonderful life with you – please do not let the last hours of his life discolour this in any way to you. He loved you and you loved him, be thankful that you had 7 years together – you were blessed to have found each other. My love and Reiki blessings to you.
Janice, I’m so sorry. I have always been the same with my children and animals. I lost my Roxxi Thursday. She had CHF and kidney disease which were undiagnosed for a long time. Our vet has been kind and didn’t blame us, but I have blamed myself enough for all of us. I hope all is well with you now.
This forum has been a blessing. I found my cat’s body yesterday. SunSun has been with me for 13 years. He started out a scared rescue (grey tiger named Sunny, go figure) and bloomed into my best friend, following me everywhere, in my bed to greet me every morning and waited until I fell asleep every night. That’s how I instantly noticed he was missing when I returned home from work and he was not waiting on the kitchen bay window seat to greet me when I came home. After days of searching the house, the neighborhood bushes, neighbors’ garages, putting up flyers around the neighborhood, in mailboxes, gas stations, vet offices, local rescues, multiple Facebook posts, etc, I found his body yesterday in the neighbor’s yard, a mere 10 feet from my front door. A trail of his hair led to their locked backyard; he must have tried to come when I called to him, which I did multiple times a day from my front porch, and crawled back under the locked gate. I hate myself for letting him out the door, even though I never saw him leave and he rarely ever wanted to go outside other than to wait for me on the door threshold. I was distracted that day with unexpected repairs on a truck we had just bought. I hate that I let that distract me from the important things in life–like my best friend for the past 12 years, seeing me through 3 moves and college. He had lost a lot of weight recently (2 lbs). The vet confirmed his bloodwork was fine. I thought it was the recent move from a one-story apt to a two-story home with much more room to play in. I wish I had been there with him in his last moments. I wish I had pushed the vet to check for medical issues. And most of all, I wish he was still here. I have not forgiven myself, as he trusted me implicitly and I failed him. Simple as that. He was only 13 and should have had many more years. It gives me hope that there is another poster who feels exactly as I do. I hope that, with time, I can forgive myself for being human and that he knew I loved him fiercely, which is why he went from a cat you never saw to the one who greeted all our guests. He will be missed.
I had to have my beautiful girl tia a doberman put to sleep yesterday I feel really guilty for not bein there when she was put to sleep I just couldn’t watch it it was to heart breaking, will she forgive me for it, I loved her and she loved me I just cant stop feeling ive let her down, what shall I do?
Will she know I loved her or think ive been disloyal? And abandoned her,
I put my cat to sleep because of cancer I had her for 14 years since I was a teenager and I’m 30 years old now its been six months since I lost her and I’m still in pain over her death and don’t know how to get passed it.
i had been feeding a feral cat for over a year..over the last few months he had started to loose weight..i was moving so i decided to trap him and take him with me..Ge did good at my house for 3 days..then he began bleeding from the mouth..i took him to the emergency vet..but dont feel they did a good job..so 3 days later i took him to another vet..He seemed better for a few days but then began to cry. So i took him back when i was told he had cheonic renal failure a slow heart rate and mouth ulcers..i feel horrible..The vet told me he was very sick and that treatment might not help because he was in a advanced stage..also that the cist could be thousands..i didnt want him to be in pain but i only had 3 weeks of showing him love and giving him a home..i am devasted ..i feel guilty and cant help but feel i let him down..i wish i would of tried to do some of the treatment..i cant stop crying and feeling like i should of tried more..i spent 1000.00 dollars and still he had to be put down..the sadness and guilt is consuming me…i miss him so much and only wish i would of known how bad off he was…
I just had to put my fur baby to sleep, she was 15 years old blind but last 2 weeks was loosing weight. I held her in my arms and felt her heart stop I knew before vet said anything she had gone……. My beautiful baby I lost my boy 2 years ago in a months time and he died at home next to our daughter. It now looks like I will need to put my next fur baby to sleep in near future she is also 14 going 15 year and the daughter to one I lost…… Just it’s raining and storming here right now and all my babies are scared of storms I feel I need to keep them all safe, maybe it’s because I just got her ashes back, and certificate says she was privately cremated on 25th but died on 12th I hope they looked after her my heart is breaking right now and the tears won’t stop. I miss them so much just 1 more hug 1 more lick 1 more cuddle 1 more pat 1 more day would be better than this. I feel your pain I really do I can’t say anything to help because I know it won’t help :(
I feel so very guilty for my 17 years old persian cat that passed yesterday, loved and cherished so much one each other. Had her since teenage now almost 35 years. She was my only family left , being a gift surprise from my father that passed away, after my mom, and grandmother. She was on daily treatment for the last two years for cardiac insuffincy and in her last days she refused to eat, drink, went to the vet told me she might have also diabetes and gave my treatment , done that, changed her food, next day wasn t happy for the results seeing no change in her behaivour went to another vet, with fluids for several hours and being with her permantly, did not lose her from my sight not even once, next day did the same , another 3 hours of fluids, the third day they told me that they can t do anything, i couldn t accept it , cause despite of all she was walking , present , purring, meowing , then i went to the veteranary university and told me that we would try to put her into oxigen and stood there for 5 hours where she became jolly so ok and then a bit tired thought after all the struggle from the last days, then the vet said she will be gone in few hours so it s my decision…to euthanize or if she ll suffocate but didn t give any more details, by this i understood that ofcourse all reaches for the last breath. as she was and saw her i said i wont accept and won t leave her to go like this that she deserve to not panic and dye in the hands of the vets on a table …i guess i didn t want to accept that her time has came after all and just said that she needs a better passing ,in her bed with me beside her untill the end and after all i have seen, called the vet at 3 am morning and said that i was wrong i had better done that and i d come now, told me it s easter and it wouldn t be deacent and also too late cuz they wouldn t find a vein… saw her pain and i was still able to do this untill the end just conforting her, talking all night, petting her untill the morning when she went …you feel guilt of trying to do the right thing….i was week and thought it s better not to do it, and moral that she would deserve a family member treatment cuz you don t decide in this case ok put him down , you stay be him or her till the end ….she passed, but not peacefull at all. She did not deserve it and i feel guiilty because untill the end i couldn t let her go or accept it and thought if it happened she d be better in my arms to her last breath…i guess i was selfish now….now i regret it. I am so sorry….would i have done otherwise ? Yes…
I am also tormented with guilt, my seemingly healthy 11 year old cockapoo starting breathing heavy and shaking Thursday night. He had seemed fine even went on a walk earlier that evening. As the night progressed he started snorting a lot (reverse sneezing). I was up with him all night and took him to the vet first thing Friday where xrays confirmed he had a mass on his lung. My vet sent me home with steroids and antibiotics saying we can try and make him comfortable and see how it goes. The next 2 nights were miserable and I eventually wanted a second opinion from a reputable ER hospital. They confirmed he had cancer that had spread to lungs from the heart and sent us home with euthanasia information and no meds. The following night we put our little boy down. My torment is that I later realized the steroids may have helped his breathing in a few days I didn’t realize that and thought it was only to help him eat and drink more. I may have just been buying a little time with him but it would have been precious time even if only for a few weeks and I don’t understand why second vet didn’t realize he had only been on meds for 2 days before she decided they couldn’t help him. At a time like that your head is spinning and you need guidance. I guess I saved him from any further pain but I sure miss the days I might have still had with him.
We lost our 11 year old Cairn Terrier two weeks ago yesterday after weeks of suffering and putting her through major surgery. We were told giving her the surgery could prolong her life by up to 5 years, a healthy 5 years. Despite surviving the surgery, which we were immensely relieved for, there were complications that followed and she had to be put down anyway after a further week of suffering.
So although we got another precious week with our dog it was the most miserable and stressful week of our lives. Our biggest regret with this whole horrific experience was not putting our little baby down sooner and preventing all this pain and suffering (for both of us). What I’m trying to say is that those ‘days you might of had’ weren’t guaranteed to be enjoyable and necessarily pain free for either of you and it was a very brave and selfless thing to put your little cockapoo to rest to prevent that possibility from happening. Don’t regret doing what you did.
Beautiful post!
I’m so sorry about your dog. I would’ve chosen surgery also.
Thank you for your post. Your story will help so many
That phrase “might have had” made more sense to me than anything I’ve read. I put down my Monet 13 1/2 dog last week. He had cushings, heart disease, was blind, deaf, and had injured his neck and back. He was still getting around, but his spirit was gone. His love for me was keeping him alive. I am struggling with my decision. Thank you.
I totally feel where you are coming from. My Hemi boy was blind, had thyroid problems, glaucoma, arthritis, and Cushings. He lost his spirit in a sense but when he would get up there were times he would wag his tail but then times it was limp and he would separate from us. But I still feel that I jumped the gun instead of seeing if I could help him in some way. I can’t kick the guilt I feel.
I feel so guilty about putting my 14 year old dog lucky down today. He was a jack russell cross. He was so loyal and loving and we tried to give him a good life. Unfortunately trips to the vet were few because of his nervousness in the treating rooms. We took him for bloodwork and found liver enzymes were high. He was given tablets and seemed fine for awhile. Unfortunately a day ago he went downhill really fast. He got conjunctivitis and he was not eating or drinking or going to the loo. I called a home vet because he was so weak to travel but they didnt arrive and didnt even call to let me know they werent coming. So i had to take hime to another vet which thankfully was close by. When they did bloodwork everything was thru the roof kidneys, liver etc. They said we could take him to a specialist who could perform additional tests but that was in the thousands and there was no guarantee he would make it there. So as hard as it was i had to make the decision to put him down. Hardest decision ever. I was told he didnt feel a thing and it was quick but i keep blaming myself what if i had done more could i have done more. I miss him so much. How does somebody get over this grief.
I had a similar experience as you. Except, mine was a 12 yo cat. I couldn’t afford treatment, because I’m already in a lot of debt. I had to think of the big picture. My cat was always agitated while at the vet, and always had to be sedated just to be examined, so it was expensive each visit. She was blind. She kept vomiting and losing weight, and the only option was to sedate, xray, blood test, etc. and that was close to $500 plus whatever treatment was needed. Then on top of that she had an eye ulcer from having herpes, that was recurrent, which also only a specialist could treat. And they only would look at her if she was sedated, which added up. Over the course of 2 years, I spent well over $2000 and got absolutely no where. Then yesterday, I decided after a month of her vomiting and wasting away to skin & bones, that it was her time. And I stayed until the end for her. I wish I could do more, and I probably could have, I mean I was already in debt…but who’s to say that it would have saved her anyway. I got a picture in place of where she used to sleep, and her remains are being cremated and returned to me. She was everything to me. The one I trusted with all my secrets. My best friend for over 12 years. And now she’s gone. I’ve never felt so lonely and guilty, and depressed. I hope she forgives me.
I have read all of these and it has given me some comfort that I am not the idiot monster that I think I am. My beautiful cat Bobby had started to wee and spray in the house and I thought this was down to stress so I sought advice at the pet shop and bought some calming sprays and plug in’s. Wednesday morning he seemed fine but after work he hadn’t greeted me like normal so I went upstairs to find him hunched under the desk. He seemed poorly so I put him on my bed and decided to take him to the vets in the morning. However i should have taken him straightaway and I am full of self hatred and guilt. The vets did all they could with two days of fluids and meds but on the Saturday they said he should be put to sleep as he would not recover from acute renal failure. We cuddled him and told him that we loved him and his passing was peaceful and I don’t feel guilty about that part as it was the right thing to do. However what kills me is that I should have taken him that night and he may still be here with me. I was his carer and I should have done so much better, I failed him. He was such a loving little chap and my teenagers are distraught without him. The pain is unbearable I don’t know if my life will ever be happy again. If only they could talk. Rest in peace my beautiful big bruiser bobby I will always love you.
My sweet beautiful cat Autumn passed away this past Sunday. I feel the same as you. She started to pee on my things, and not sleep with me anymore. I kept chalking it down to stress. We had gotten a new kitten in the household, and I just thought she was upset. She was 9 years old, and in her past she had always been temperamental. She was a Tortie breed with a defenite tortitude. I blamed myself because I went on vacation thinking I could take her to the vet when I got back in town. She was getting thinner but still eating, and drinking water. When I got back from vacation she died the next day in my arms, and I feel so sad without her. She was an immense part of my life, and like you I blame myself too. I try to make it through my day, but I feel as though I can’t forgive that I failed her. My loving friend. I keep coming home expecting to see her laying by the heater, or licking her paws by the tub. All the good times I remember drive me to smile, and cry all at the same time. My cat passed on a Sunday so we rushed to the animal shelter, but it was too late. My kitty passed within 3 minutes. I feel like I’m too blame. I read her cues wrong. Way wrong. I miss her, but all I can do is try to relax. I think that I will always blame myself. She was always there with me. Through my twenties. I just really miss her. I feel just like you. I just wanted to comment that you aren’t alone out there. I’m really struggling with the loss, forgiveness, and sadness. The vet said that Autumn most likely had diabetes. I failed her, and it breaks my heart too. I hope it gets easier for all of us coping with losing our dear friends.
Me too, so much guilt on top of the heartbreak. My beloved German Shepherd Eddie died after surgery. I noticed on Monday his tummy was very hard. I took him to the vet Tuesday who said, “not good”. He sent me to a different place to have xrays and ultrasound. Eddie was so nervous after one vet visit and it was a beautiful day (rare in Ohio) and I had to go to work by 3 so I told the girl I’d bring him back first thing in the morning. I brought him home INSTEAD (this is where the guilt is) I was right there in the parking lot but he was acting so normal other than being scared about the vet visit. So we went home and he laid in the sun. He seemed happy. I went to work but was worried so I thought when I get home I’m going to change my clothes and bring him in as they are open 24/7. When I got home he was fine, barking happily when he heard my car, begged for people food, we went and sat outside for a bit because it was so warm. I was happy that he seemed so good and was satisfied with my decision to bring him to X-ray place in the morning. I woke every two hours that night and checked him, he was good. Last I checked was 4:30. I woke at 6:30 and he was laboring to breathe, unbelievable how fast he went downhill. I rushed him to vet, they did X-rays and surgery to remove a large tumor on his spleen. He made it through surgery but died two hours later. I am devastated. It’s bad enough that I lost an angel dog but to think I was right there in the parking lot but decided to let him lay in the sun and go back in the morning makes me sick to my stomach. I loved him so. I did what I thought was best but honestly my decision making skills that fateful day were childish and now I suffer.
Sue, I think that was so beautiful you made the decision to sit in the sun and enjoy special time with Eddie. That was not irresponsible that you decided with your heart. I think those moments were a gift. I lost my best friend, Mister Punkins, last month… he had cancer… I am trying to learn from my grief, I have a lot of guilt… but i bring myself to those moments we had together in the sun and remembering his happiness in spite of the pain and discomfort he was feeling. I hope you can find your way through this. I hope I can as well. It is the most heartbreaking process I have ever experienced… (I lost my little teacher…)
I had to put down my 5 year old kitty, Munchie, down today. I adopted Munchie when he was 9 months old from the local pet clinic. As a brand new kitten he was found by himself in a cinder block. He was riddled with fleas, worms, ringworm. You name it, he had it. The clinic treated him. He was treated with multiple antibiotics, skin treatments, etc. After 9 months, they placed him up for adoption. No one wanted him because he would growl, hiss, and was too much to handle. The pet clinic assumed since he had such a hard first 9 months of his life, he did not like human contact. I mean could you blame him, he didn’t understand that the clinic was trying to make him better, not torture him. When I laid eyes on him, I just knew we were meant for each other. He was very responsive to me. We instantly had a connection, a special bond. Throughout the years we developed a routine. My husband works evenings, so once he left it was cuddle time for Munchie and I. He would always wait for me in the bathroom while I was showering, greet me when I came home, talk with me, always followed me around. He was my buddy! Unfortunately, 2 days ago he began not acting like himself. He was extremely lethargic and not social. Throughout the day he visibly became more weak. He would only walk a couple of (shaky) feet and flop over. The following day I took him to the vet. Taking him to the vet is a huge ordeal because of his previous history. They always have to sedate him prior to even doing an exam because he becomes very aggressive and out of control (it broke my heart every time he had to go). I’ve tried staying with him during visits and he even attacks me. It is extremely stressful for him. Blood work and urine were evaluated. His liver enzymes and bilirubin were through the roof. They decided to administer fluids, give him an antibiotic (in case of infection) and monitor for 24hrs. I was hoping this would be the ticket for him to feel better! I woke up this morning and couldn’t find him anywhere. I finally found him lying in his litter box (mind you, it was not a clean box). I tried calling him out of it, but he was so weak he couldn’t come out on his own. He attempted, but only got his front legs out. I called the vet and was told most likely he had a liver tumor. They couldn’t be 100% sure, so they offered to do an ultrasound, but because he’s so aggressive be
would have to be sedated again. I asked them if they found a tumor, what could be done. They said surgery, but because of the amount of stress it would put on him recovering in the clinic, he probably wouldn’t make it. They said he was “untreatable” because of the amount of stress he is put under every time he has to go to the vet clinic. They said it wouldn’t be realistic to keep him sedated during recovery so they could treat him. Sedation is the only way he would let anyone near him for anything. They offered euthanasia. I discussed it with my husband and we finally came to the decision to put him down. We weighed the different options. We thought he was declining way too fast and to put him through all the additional stress of sedating him for multiple different tests was too heart breaking. Now that is all said and done, I’m completely devastated. I keep questioning our decision. I keep assessing the “what ifs.” I keep replaying every moment in my head and it all feels justified mentally, but emotionally I feel like I let him down. I feel like I didn’t try hard enough and fight for him. I feel like I killed him. I hope with time I can release the guilt and grief, but right now I’m an emotional wreck. While writing this I do feel a bit better. I want to thank you for creating this page. I hope I’ll find peace within myself.
I understand. I feel the same. Stay strong Danielle. I’m struggling too. I miss my Autumn so bad. I loved her so much. It’s a hard decision, but you really tried to save your cat. You did your best. He was suffering.
I feel the same as you. My 12 yo Chia, was an aggressive cat too and had to be sedated she went to the vet. One week she went 3 times, and was sedated 3 times. I felt so bad for her. We have to believe that we made the right decision. Your little guy was lucky to have you, and mine was lucky too. We are good people who did the right thing. I feel guilty too, but I’m trying to find peace. I hope you find peace as well.
My 9 year old Dog began having a nagging cough in the fall of 2015, we took him to the Vet to check him out. We were told he had congestive heart failure and was accumulating fluids in his lungs, his heart was enlarged and putting pressure on other organs. We were told he would need medication for the rest of his life and that we should expect that he could worsen and pass within 12months. We got the Meds and administered them diligently, and had pretty well ignored the Vets comment amount his life span with his condition. The Meds, seemed to help, he still had a cough just not as often and was his normal loving self. we spent months with him and the meds, cough all of it just became part of our everyday life, nothing to worry about we had our beloved dog. His cough began to worsen over the last month or so, but he seemed fine no other symptoms still active and cheerful.
we would comfort him and make him feel loved. earlier this week, we noticed his breathing was abnormal and almost as if he had shortness of breath, rapid breathing, but his heart beat seemed normal for him. we all went to sleep for the night and in the morning his condition had not changed so we took him to the Vet; thinking some more meds and we could take him home.
The vets advised that they were going to try some medication but were warning us he may not respond to the meds as it seemed he was having a very difficult time breathing. We set him up got the vets to give him the meds. after the first dose the Vets came in and told us to prepare for him not going home as they could not see improvement. We still didn’t believe them, they gave him a second dose and also some sedatives to help him relax and ease his heart. We cuddled him as he was on oxygen and still rapidly breathing. It came to make the decision and the vets were pushing euthanasia as they didn’t believe he could get better and was suffering. It all happened soo fast we stayed with him and comforted him and then we were asked to sign papers to begin the process, we did. I still did not allow the vets to euthanize him, i picked him up ( now off oxygen) and I could feel his little heart beating like crazy, he made a cry of pain / discomfort when i picked him up and Then I knew there was nothing I could do and didn’t want him to suffer. He was put to rest minutes after and it was devastating. All we do now is play what if scenarios , and feel extreme guilt, its overwhelming. I keep telling my self maybe if we let the sedatives wear off and waited a bit more he would have gotten better and we could have had a bit more time with him. He tried to stand right before the euthanasia and this made me feel horrible as if i was killing my dog……… I go through waves of acceptance but most all i can think of is he is gone and i should have done more or differently to keep him with us……..it has been 4 days now and I cannot seem to accept it or put my mind at ease.
This was my first dog and I had him for 8 years, we adopted him from a neglected state from his previous owner and we loved him soo much he brought so much joy and laughter, but now he is gone. I am exhausted with these feelings of guilt and pain……..
I know I know I know ! feels so vile and heartbreaking. I am so sorry you are suffering. I was in that same place ( well still am really ) exhausted with the guilt, what if’s etc. Hope you heal soon x Our darling babies are at rest now.
I feel the same. I know you loved your dog, and he loved you guy’s so much too that he held on as long as he could. You really did everything you could do. You had to make a decision. It’s so hard when they are young. My cat Autumn was only 9, and I will never know what took her life. I am living now with the blame of not getting her to the vet on time. The vet feels it may have been diabetes. She passed this past Sunday, and I held her while she tried to breath, and live. I failed her. I chalked up her weight loss to stress because she was eating and drinking water. I misread her signals. It’s so hard because they can’t talk to us. I loved her so much. I’m still grieving too, and I don’t feel like I’ll ever be the same again.
I have just read your post my heart goes out to you I know that what you did for your beloved pet was the best you could do please try not to Blame yourself some things are out of our control. I myself have just gone through the same thing my wonderful boy a little Yorkie had the same as your dog that nagging cough never went away got worse breathing difficulties lungs and heart chambers filling with fluid had to send him to Rainbow bridge dogs with heart failure just go down so fast my boy went for his walk had a little play and I like you Felt He’s doing well on Monday of this month I had to put him down he could not breath the fluids were filling his lungs and heart like you I am finding it hard but I keep telling myself that I gave him a wonderful life like you did with your pet. your pet would not have got better you loved him so much that the last thing you could do for him was take that pain away and give him peace I hope you can find some Comfort in these words and I am so sorry for your loss.
Feeling like we betrayed our sweet Smoochie. Our beloved old dog was 14 years and 10 months old. he had diabetes, pancreatitis, liver problems which were being managed but he also developed kidney disease which we hoped we could stave off with meds as it was only stage 2. He did not really respond to the anti sickness meds so did not want to eat or even drink water. I had to force feed water and small amounts of food for the last week or so before we took him to his final rest. He was incontinent most of the time and also deaf and getting blind…BUT he still seemed okay and still wanted to play a little ( not go for a walk though) About a month ago he started not settling at night at all and only wanted his duvet on the floor up a corner ( he usually slept in bed with me and always wanted to up to that point). He did not want to snuggle on sofa with us as much either anymore. On the night we decided to let him go he was crying in his bed and struggling to get across the floor in a restless state. We thought he was in pain and decided enough was enough. Now we wondered were we too hasty….feeling like we did not give enough time to see if he would have come round for a few more weeks even. Feel so guilty like a murderer and to make it worse when the drug was administered he yelped for about 10 seconds…most heartbreaking sound I will ever hear in my life (vet said it was only a brain reaction but how can I know that is true) Why do I feel like this if it was the right thing to do…it feels so bad and so wrong.
Its ok , you did the right thing, sounds like his condition was getting unbearable for him , the changes you noticed are signs that things were getting much worse. Many people have had to make that descision, try if you can to see it as loving him so
much that you wanted him to be free of the pain and he was instantly free and well again as soon as he passed, I know because it happened to me in the recovery room, I was not waking up and I was on the other side and all your problems are gone, it was so nice, I kept saying I feel so good. They were able to bring me back around and wake me up, but I knew something had happened, there is so much love there. It’s ok , he is happy, healthy and having fun now.
Thank you so much for your kind words x I actually feel a little better today as I found a really helpful scale to help decide if your dog is past the point of no return. We did the figures and the scale said if it scored 8 or higher ( things like incontinence, appetite, playfulness, how many drugs were keeping them going etc, were taken into account) well Smoochies score was 23! off the scale so now we know we definitely made the right choice for him. Still feel sad and we will honour him with our grief but we will try to remember all the happy life he had. He was so loved and pampered probably more than some poor little children in the world ( must keep things in perspective I tell myself ) xxx
I remember my vet said that he was vocalizing…. fighting for life. Why didn’t I stop the procedure right then and there? I know how you feel, I have been sad thinking about my sweet baby boo since Nov 16. I am so full of regret and guilt and I wish there was some way that I could verify that he knows how perfect of a dog he was and how I loved him so much and never wanted his last moments to be filled with panic.
Today my wife and I are having our beloved Chow Chow, CD, put to sleep. It is the hardest decision we have had to make as we have had him since 8 weeks. He is 13 years old and has severe arthritis to the point his back legs give out and he falls down.
He cannot climb stairs anymore and it appears the spark is gone from his eyes. I don’t know if I can sit through the final goodbye.
We just put our 13 yo lab down tonight because of the same reasons. One of hardest things I’ve ever been through. We are so heart broken.
Hello, Joseph from Los Angeles. I had to put to sleep Bonnie, my Scotty Terrier today. Due to excessive seizures that would not stop. This came suddenly, my family pet for 11 years. I believe she had suffered brain damage beyond the seizures, maybe strokes? She appeared not to recognize her home surroundings, including me. I have so much guilt on my chest, it really hurts. The doctor, after going for three days in a row, as she went down hill after the second day, the Dr. told me that he felt I made the right decision…….but I don’t feel that way since 8:30 am on 3/17/16, it’s very heavy for me, my wife appears to be doing well, as Bonnie adored me (LOL).
I know this is late Michael but I know how you feel. My beloved kitty Autumn passed away in my arms, and I couldn’t save her. It was on of the saddest moments in my life that I’ve ever experienced. I’ve never felt this way besides the one time when I was in a bad car accident as a kid. The loss is terrible, and makes you feel like you failed your beloved friend. I wish I could say I knew how to cope with this but I don’t. I just lost my sweet Autumn this past Sunday. I’m struggling through work, and normal routines. I miss her so much.
I know how you feel, my first kitten ever was very close to me and one day my parents told me that he had a heart disease. We got one more night with him and had to put him down the next day at 3 months old. I now feel guilt because I rarely think of him but when I do I don’t stop crying.
Yesterday, on Valentines Day I said goodbye to Cecelia, my 16 yeard old Chihuahua. She had a mammary mass that had spread to her lungs. I have had her since she was a puppy. She was the most sweet, loving dog I have ever met. This past week she started losing weight rapidly and was declining her wet food. Yesterday, she stopped eating all together and her breathing was very labored. I took her in and the Vet advised me due to her rapid weight loss and loss of muscle mass she would be going very soon. In her case where the cancer spread to her lungs she would have suffered a very painful death. I couldn’t allow that so I decided to let her go to the rainbow bridge. I was there with here because I couldn’t let her go alone. I caressed her as the Doctor injected the anesthesia overdose. It was very quick and I’m so glad she went this way instead of gasping for air. I came home to her empty basket where she’d like to sleep and I felt so devastated and I still do. I had her privately cremated. I’ll miss her little sneezes and the way she would stare at the wall for no reason. I can’t wait to meet her at the rainbow bridge. RIP my tiny princess.
hope you feel better soon…so sorry for your loss
I feel devastated. I moved into a new house several years ago and soon after discovered an elderly cat living in the backyard. I tried to rehome her, but was not successful due to her age and none of the rescue groups would take her. I am severely allergic to cats but decided to keep her as an outdoor cat because I felt bad for her. She always stayed on my deck and I fed her everyday for several years. I did not like that she was using my garden and the rest of my backyard as a liter box. I tried to train her to use a litter box, but was not successful. I have pet birds but I could not place my birds out on the deck, because when I did, she tried to attack their cage. I did not feel attached to her, I was just trying to let her live out her life. Unfortunately, I eventually grew tired of taking care of her and decided one morning to take her to the local animal shelter. They estimated her age to be between 17-20 years old and told me she’s too old for adoption and would probably be euthanized. I reluctantly agreed. When I went home later that day, I felt extreme sadness that she was not on the deck anymore, I realized then how attached I was to her. I cried so much and felt so guilty. I decided to call the shelter the next day and take her back. But when I called, it was too late. They euthanized her the day I dropped her off. I feel extremely guilty, sad and depressed and can’t bear to look at my yard anymore because I remember her and I remember how I decided to remove her, and I miss her terribly and can’t stop crying. I feel I did her wrong, and feel like a terrible person for it
Nora. I am an extreme pet lover and I can understand your guilt. We are all human and we make mistakes. I feel so bad to read your post because I can’t imagine the pain you must feel. I lost my cat because I too made a mistake. I put off taking her to the vet thinking she was just stressed because she was losing weight and still eating. I lost her last Sunday and I blame myself for not doing anything. We all make decisions that sometimes are not the right ones. You did share a part of your life with this cat and she was apart of you. She brought you that. I know this will probably not comfort you but I am also struggling to comfort myself as well. Your post has helped me to realize that we all struggle in different ways. You loved this cat. Don’t beat yourself up. You made a mistake. I did too. :(
Nora, thank you for your heartfelt and honest post. I lost my Chopstick (tonkinese 15 yrs) yesterday. I too have guilt. I originally adopted her in 1999/2000 (summer) from a shelter as an 8 week old baby. I raised her until 2004-at that time I began caregiving for my mom and felt like her unrelentless attention was ‘too much’ and a ‘bother’. I found her a home-which I thought a ‘good home.’ Periodically the new owner would email pics and I could tell by the look in Chopstick’s eyes she was angry. The new home had large dogs and , being a tiny thing, she did not take too kindly to the dogs. The new owner also left often, traveling, leaving her alone for long periods. Five years ago-the new owner-with a set of pics, asked me to take her back saying “she as not adjusting well to the 2 dogs’-I did not. That is a decision I will always regret. To think of it now makes me sick. It was not ‘convenient’ though by this time I already adopted a dog and didn’t want the ‘bother.’ This past January-I kept getting visions and thoughts of Chopstick-when I brought my dog to the groomer they had commented that she was fascinated with cats-and it got me thinking about bring Chopstick home. I felt though I could not just call this woman out of the blue. That same week the woman (out of the blue) emailed me saying she was going out of the country for a month, and could I take Chopstick. I did. When I went to see her, she was living on the floor of a dirty walk in clothes closet. Her food and literbox were crammed in another dark, dingy closet. Her whiskers were bent, her fur coming out in clumps from stress and her legs of not much use-as she was afraid to walk due to the dogs having free reign of the house. I was sick and devastated. She told me she left her alone when she went away and a friend would fill her dried food. I looked at my cat and could see she gave up-lost her will to live. I was so angry with myself and ashamed. I stayed with my cat for over an hour and the woman offered that I take her and ‘try it out’ for good. I did. The two days prior to picking her up, I bought her all new things, stairs so she could have the freedom to come on my bed and the futon, a kitty defuser that gave off calming scents, top organic food for her health, clean bright litter box in my meditation room. The first night she had an ‘accident’ and tinkled on the futon where I slept with her so she would not be afraid-but she literally rubbed against my face all night-I awoke to find her staring nose to nose at me-just so joyful to be back. I kept asking her to please forgive me for I knew I had done the wrong thing by giving her away. The day I picked her up I took her right to my vet-who also uses holistic methods. She did a full panel on her and said she had hyperthyroidism, but we would first treat it with enzymes and herbs-as she checked her heart and blood pressure and it was ok-I was to return to the vet the end of March. When I first got her she wouldn’t even make eye contact and had her back to all humans. By week 1, I showed her she didn’t have to live/hide under a bed for survival-or even in a closet. I slowly taught her the stairs-and the first night she learned them she happily woke me up to show me her new feat. I ‘gated’ my home so the dog had one side of the house and she had the other. She had access to my kitchen, bedroom and meditation room-so she go to sleep with me each night. The last 2 weeks (I had her almost 8 weeks) she actually began climbing on me-and following me from room to room in the mornings like she use to do as a baby. She never took to the dog and I was fine with that-as she knew she was safe and that I wasn’t about to ‘force’ a relationship. Things finally seemed settled and I felt joy when with her and then yesterday morning I woke up and she was not sleeping with me, as when I had fallen asleep with her right next to me. I finally got up and went to the meditation room. There she lay, completely peaceful on the floor-not contorted, not curled up-front paws actually crossed, as she use to do when she napped, mouth semi-open to a half-smile-and to my shock and devastation-she had passed. I soulfully regret having lost that 10 years with her-as when she returned to me she was about 15 years old. I regret that she lived 10 years confined-breaking her spirit to live, and that 5 years ago I could have and should have taken her back. I only hope that the 8 weeks was enough to show her how sorry and regretful I was. I would wake up and look at her each day and tell her “I am going to use today and every day you are with me to make up my mistake to you-a living amends.” I did for the 8 weeks-however I miss her joyful spirit tremendously. I regret I let ‘life’ dictate to me the ‘important’ things when the truly important thing is now gone. I hope my story might help someone who too is suffering.
I euthanized my almost 17-year-old cat over a year ago, and I’m haunted by the guilt. I’d taken her to the vet a month before because her face looked sunken, they gave her fluids and told me she should get a special litter to pee on so they could test it. They thought it was likely her kidneys.
Did I do that? No. Around that time, I suffered a concussion, got dumped, and dealt with weaning myself off painkillers. I was extremely depressed and my emotions felt flat. My ex offered to keep my cat for me until I got settled in my new apartment. I took the apartment out of desperation, I was only allowed one pet and already have a dog but thought oh, they won’t notice a cat.
I went to pick up my cat from my ex’s around 3 weeks later, she looked skinny and sunken but was so affectionate. I brought her home that night and she slept on the bed with me, “bumping” her face against mine. She also walked around meowing a lot that night, which was something she’d started doing in the last 6 months or so, and the vet had given me sedatives for her, which she hated taking.
I was scared of the yowling because my landlord lived next door. I was scared of taking more time off of work. After an early morning of yowling, I made the snap decision to take her to the vet to be euthanized. I rationalized it then because she looked so ill – she was probably dying, right? I also thought she was either senile or in pain because of the meowing.
I don’t know if it was having issues with the drugs or the depression, but just like that I packed her in the carrier, walked her to the nearby vet and had her put down. I feel like a horrible, coldhearted person. I wish I’d done the litter test – she maybe just needed a food change and some more fluids and she could have been fine for longer. Not given her a day to get used to an apartment and fail her out of selfishness.
I really don’t know how to let this go. I have a really good friend who has been my shoulder to cry on, but it’s so hard to deal with. My learning from this is definitely to explore all options in the future, but I’m so upset with the past. I feel like I murdered my cat.
Erin, We are imperfect beings and I think, from what I am learning with the grief of having lost my dog,that these beautiful animals enter our lives arrive to assist in perfecting our souls. I have depressive tendencies that would interfere with being in the present and appreciating the gifts offered in that moment… i would say or do things that now fill me with guilt and shame. I struggle with the memories of those selfish moments. But I sit, try to recall the bad moments, and ask for forgiveness. Every time the memory of those moments arise, i just try to find my heart and fill it with the love i have for Punkins and meditate on what forgiveness would feel like. I am grateful for my depression, and my four-legged teacher, for revealing to me the limitless strength and courage of heart i am actually capable of having. I hope you find your way to understanding through this difficult process. Much love.
Thank you so much. Your kind words really helped me. I’m going to try and do what you do when I start to feel overwhelmed.
I am so glad I found this website and podcast. My beloved cat, Nina, died on Friday, Jan. 29, 2016. It was quite sudden and happened in our home. She had had problems with dehydration. I gave her pills and sub q fluids at home for some time. Over the past few months, she did not want the sub q fluids. I thought she was fine because her behavior had not changed. I was going to take her to the vet the weekend she died. I am racked with guilt because I should have taken her to the vet sooner for a follow up. I should have listed to my intuition. In hindsight, I can see that she did have subtle changes. They were not consistent, but they were there. I am not sure if she was trying to hide it or if I was in denial.
On the day she passed away, I was overcome with a feeling of death. I thought I felt someone touch my hand. I now believe it was Nina trying to tell me she was ready to depart. When I came home that evening, she was fine. She played and ate dinner. When I made her bed as was our routine, she jumped on the bed. I left the room but on my return only a few short minutes later, she had passed away.
Our younger cat is showing signs of depression. The vet has given me an antidepressant, but I feel like I need some too. I am heartbroken. Nina was my world. I rescued her from the streets of Ohio 3 years ago when she kept visiting my patio. We saved each other really. We slept together, ate together, played together. I even taught her to walk on a leash. Our walks were wonderful. I cannot believe she is gone. The house feels empty without her. She was incredibly affectionate and loving. I find some solace in the fact that I told her how much I loved her every morning. She would sit in lap or I would hold in my arms and we would cuddle. I would shower her with kisses and tell her she was loved. Coming home after a long day was easy with Nina waiting at the door. We had our evening routine filled with play and brushing. I so regret not taking her to the vet. Since Friday, I have cried my eyes out with feelings of loneliness, guilt, and emptiness, but now all I can feel is anger at myself. I know there is a lesson in all of this. I have started to see it slowly unfold. I wonder if Nina felt I needed to learn the hard way. I know I will someday have another rescue cat. For now and forever my heart belongs to Nina.
Joan, I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my beloved Autumn. I miss her so much.
I put my dog down on the 23rd of this month and this has become the most unbearable pain I have ever felt. I had my dog for a little over 12 years and she would have turned 14 this November. She had a check up in July, she came back fine. One day, however, I was heading out of state to visit family for Christmas and she was acting weird before the trip. I wasn’t sure what to make of it, but I got to my destination and she was still acting weird and my mom noticed her stomach had a slight bloat. We set up an appointment at a veterinarian clinic to go on a Thursday or Friday, I believe, so we could see what was going on. We thought she may have just been feeling a little ill and she would start feeling better. She slowly did get better, but we to the veterinarian and they did some blood work. They said she looked like a six-year-old dog, but they noticed her red blood cell count and platelet count was a little low. They ended up doing an x-ray and found a tumor on her spleen. They said it could be cancer (Hemangiosarcoma) and we could give her surgery, but if it metastasized, they’d have to put her down on the table. I didn’t want to risk it, of course. The vet also said we could just treat it and she prescribed medication for it and told us about the herbal medication to help prevent the internal bleeding. A week ago Monday, I took her to her primary vet and they did an ultra sound and said there was much more mass than spleen, plus she gained another five lbs since the December check up and her liver looked a little abnormal. He also mentioned it to being Hemangiosarcoma. He mentioned surgery, said the same thing as the last doctor about the under the knife euthanasia, which I didn’t want to risk, keep doing what I was doing and treat her and keep her pain free, or euthanasia. I kept trying to medicate her and keep her pain free. Unfortunately, on Saturday I realized the pain was unbearable for her, her breathing was very labored, sounded like a lawn mower trying to start, my home was at 75 degrees and she was still shivering, so I turned it up and it didn’t help. I decided to take her to the emergency vet to put her down. When they sedated her, they put her on a table and it gave her weight. She gained another 5 lbs since Monday. The weight wasn’t from food either, since she has never really eaten too much, but she stopped eating dry dog food about a month ago, so I was giving her canned food, which she started turning away. The weight gain was caused by internal bleeding from the tumors rupturing. Most dogs who get this cancer die from internal bleeding rather than the cancer, itself. So, I decided to stay in the room with her during the euthanization, because I felt that I owed it to her. Even though, she was sedated, I didn’t want her to die alone. I had her since I was 16-years-old. I got her about a month after my previous dog of 15 years died.
If you have a dog, especially an older dog, please keep a careful eye on them. This cancer is really aggressive and most people don’t find out their dog has it until it has metastasized and it’s too late to do anything. Because, I didn’t find out until it was too late, I lost my best friend of 12 years and it’s lonely at home. I can contain myself at work, but I am an emotional wreck.
Trey, I’m so sorry for your loss. I really connected with your story because we had to have our dog euthanized on Feb 2 for the same thing.
We adopted Cloud, a lab cross in 2006 along with another lab cross same day. He was around 2 they thought. He was the newest dog we ever had. He never did anything wrong and just wanted to please us and he did. The gentlest soul ever. We adored him.He lived to play frisbee and did so almost everyday .
Last Saturday, just 1 week ago he seemed fine. Frisbeed, walked in park, all normal. He came to our bed Saturday night and my husband could tell he wanted up but needed help. That night I awoke from a dream where we were with him euthanizing him. I woke up just sick to find him right beside me and gave him a big hug and went back to sleep. In morning we find his back leg was so sore he couldn’t put weight on it. He was in pain but hopped out to yard, ate, all pretty good. We were worried but decided to wait til our clinic opened Monday to take him in. Sunday night he was distressed, obviously hurting bad. I massaged him, attempted acupressure ( utube video) and gave aspirin. Shortly before taking him to vet I see blood near his back end. I was too scared to look close and thought I had caused internal bleeding from aspirin. Vet finds some arthritis in hip and leg but just a sprain. He was more worried about the bleeding. The blood was coming from a little wRt but he also noticed bruising plus pale gums. He did blood work. Then tells us its autoimmune hemolytic anemia. His red cells were low but platelets were quite low at 22. We get prednisone and something else and we were going to check blood Thursday. Possible blood transfusion if platelets dropped. By Tuesday morning he was much weaker and his leg almost looked blue on inside and it was really swollen.
We go back to check blood. Platelets had dropped to 12.75 and he starts getting a transfusion lined up. Gives 50 50 chance for survival with hope meds would start working. It was going to be around $2000 for transfusion. We were going to do one but couldn’t afford to keep doing more.
Then after consulting with another vet he does X-ray of abdomen and chest and thinks spleen cancer and more in abdomen. He made us leave him there to do an ultrasound. He hated the vets and was always just petrified. He didn’t want to leave us but walked out like a good boy. I hated leaving him. An hour later it’s confirmed cancer and he advises euthanizing him. He said he likely wouldn’t last the day. So we did it. We were in there with him. When they brought him in he looked half dead. He went down so fast in that hour I couldn’t believe it. It was just a nightmare! After having that dream of being in that exact room too.
We are both just devastated beyond belief.
My guilt set in fast. There had been spots of blood on his blankets, once a spot on the floor. I did no investigation. We have 3 other dogs but I kind of figured it might be from him. He was so active that I thought it was just some little nick. He had been coming to our bed more, should have known something was up. Maybe he was sleeping in his room more often but I thought, he’s 12, slowing down a little. If I had got him checked out maybe I could have bought him more time. After reading your story maybe it was something that would have ended the same anyhow. It’s so shocking, happened so fast. I’m bawling all the time and seeing his soulmate who we adopted same day grieve. She didn’t get to say good bye. We never knew when we took him there that morning he wouldn’t be coming back.I’m so heart broken, never cried or felt so much grief before .
I had to take my cat to the vet to be euthanized today. She was 20 years old and had grown deaf and senile. We tried to live with this for the past six months but it was getting so that she has become incontinent and I found her asleep in her own feces several times. She had gotten very thin and a friend of mine felt she was dying. I felt it was not healthy for the rest of the family to be breathing the heavy odor of cat feces several times a day. And so I talked to the vet who looked at the cat who weighed all of 3 pounds and agreed with me. But, I although I think I did the right thing, I feel very badly about it. Doing the responsible thing is not always easy.
Hi fellow animal lovers,
I’ve been having a tough time lately. Today is January 12,2016 and on January 9, 2016 I had to put down my orange tabby, Stuart. Stuart was the light of my life. Although I have a small family that make me just as proud nothing could compare to the feelings I had for him. He was my best friend. We would routinely cuddle in the morning before and after my shower. Before I left for work I gave him a kiss right on his nose and told him I’d miss him. When I got home from work I would greet him before anyone else in the house and ask him about his day. He would always be happy and start purring, stretching out to show how comfortable as safe he felt.
Stuart has always been a big cat. I think typically orange cats are big guys. He also hates the vets and I could not stand to take him unless absolutely necessary. When there he would howl and cry when they took him in the back….. It crushed my heart to hear it. His last visit wa becasue his tummy was feeling hard or firmer than usual. The vet did a bunch of test 900$ worth.. And came up with nothing. 2 years later, last week, I began noticing his breathing was short and shallow.. Not rapid or laboured. Just not normal. He also stopped eating as much.. Stuart loved treats. He could eat them all day, I used to throw them across the room and watch him scramble to gobble it up.. But now he wasn’t even interested in treats. I took him to the vet once again and this time I insisted on being with him every second. They had no problem with that thank god. The vet looked at his gums. Looked at his ears. And felt his tummy. And kept feeling his tummy. And told me there was a “mass” in his gut and an X-ray would help determine what it was. It turned out to be a Tumor about the size of a baseball.. And exploratory surgery was 2500$ just to go in and see.. Not for any answers or solutions. I surely couldn’t afford that! Then she told me its most likely cancer and chemo and radiation is 6000$+. It broke my heart then and there knowing that I only had one option. I took him home that day and loved him best I could. I called in sick to work and spent every second with him. I had my gf call the vet and make his last appointment that day also. I couldn’t bear the thought of selfishly keeping him around for my pleasure. He was ill and it was showing and that’s no way to live. Not for anyone. I cried all night. I took the next day off work and spent all day with him. We cuddled and nuzzled and I brought his water and food periodically only for him to refuse. The next day at 1pm it was time. The drive to the vet was the worst. Holding him as he frantically watched the vehicle go by. As we got closer I really started to break down. When we were at the vet, for the final time, I held him and spoke to him the whole time. I made sure we had I contact and made sure he could see me and hear me. It was horrible. I felt like dying. I felt like everything was wrong. I still feel that way. My whole day involved Stuart and now he is gone. I think of the “what-ifs” and have massive regret and feel like I could have done more to help him. What if I hadn’t put him down. Maybe he woulda lasted a few more weeks…. But would he be happy and comfortable? The answer is no and I have to remind myself often. I love my boy Stuart so much and I hope I made the right choice. I hope he understands that he was my world and things just aren’t the same without him. I had him cremated and should be getting his ashes soon.
I just miss him so much.
I love you Stuart my boy
Forgot to mention his age. Stuart was 9, I had him since he was a kitten. He was my Savoir at the time.
I feel the same. I lost my beautiful Aumn girl. I love her so much. I lost her this past Sunday. I feel it’s my fault too. She was only 9.
Its all terrible with pets ,I had my rabbit put to sleep 10th Jan 2016 after repeated ops for tooth problems ,vet was going to continue dental ,it had gone from every 12 weeks to every 10 weeks ,she had ulcers in her mouth and more problems , he didnt lead me on way or the other ,just wanted me to repeat treatment, I thought my little girl had ,had enough ,but still feel dreadfull ,start crying when im out etc ,getting her ashes back too .Its all part of grieving ,…Take care and think are pets are now out of pain xxx
I can totally relate Paige. Nina and I had the same routine in the mornings with cuddles and kisses and chatting. Once home, I would spend the evening playing with her and brushing her. We would cuddle. She loved being in my lap and even sat there while I ate. I feel guilty that I didn’t take her to the vet sooner. On some level, I think Nina had been preparing me for her sudden passing. Our cuddles and kisses were very loving and tender and I spent a lot of time telling her how much I loved her and I how much she meant to me. I think she held on for some time because she wanted to feel my love as well. I certainly know how much pain you are in, but I am realizing that she is teaching a great deal about life, my relationships, my priorities. I am so blessed to have had her just as Stuart was blessed to have you. We did the best we could with the information and circumstances at the time. I am holding on to Nina’s love for support. I am also focusing on helping my little one, Cookie, overcome her sadness as well. It’s tough to hear her cry and watch her walk from room to room. In time we will all heal our wounded hearts and open our home to a new rescue that is in desperate need for love and attention. It’s the only way I can honor Nina’s precious memory. Hang in there.
Thank you Joan. It’s been a few weeks now for me and it’s still very hard. Sometimes I think I see his shadow on the bed or feel the weight of him laying on my feet. I used to nudge him and he would come up to my pillow and lay like a person and we would cuddle. We were blessed to have them in our lives, Nina to have you and Stuart to have me.. Loosing Stuart was one of my biggest fears, I’ve said that for many years… He was also my first experience with death (nearly 30 and haven’t lost a loved one). I miss him so much. So so much :(
I know exactly how you are feeling, I to just put my 14 year old sweet kitty, Petey to sleep this morning, I had taken him to the vet initially on the 20th of January, due to vomiting,diareah, and lack of appetite, the vet gave him an anti inflamatory shot, some B12, and antibiotic to give him at home, several days later he was his normal self, eating good and his diareah was not as bad, on February 2nd he started not eating again and having mucus diareah, and losing weight, and just not having any energy, so back to the vet we went, the vet gave him a steroid shot and some low residue food for his stomach and intestines, My Petey did well again for about 10 days, and back came the diareah, and he was not eating anything, and losing weight quickly, so I started force feeding him with a siringe, On Saturday the 13th He was still going down hill so I called the vet and got him some anti biotics and probiotics and gave it to him religously, and continued to feed him with a seringe, he would only eat on his own just a couple of licks sometimes, he drank quite a bit of water, on February 16th I took him back to the vet, and the vet said that my Petey had looked alot worse, and by now he had lost 3 to 4 pounds, My vet said he would run blood tests, so I left my Petey there for two nights, the vet returned and read the bllod tests and said that everything looked ok, so he then gave some medicine to make him sleep so he could examine him further, he popitated Peteys abdomidal cavity and confered with another vet and saw where Peteys intestines were 3 times larger than normal, and that he felt like it was lymphoma in the intestines, the vet told me that he could do exploritory surgery and get biopsies, or send petey home to just see how he does, I asked the vet if Petey had eaten and he said NO, and that they had to force feed him also, so the vet said the best thing would be to put petey to sleep, because he thought it was cancer and that petey was 14 years old, and while he had petey sleeping to put him down then, I said i was hoping to see him again, but had to make the difficult decision to say…. go ahead and do it while hes asleep and dont know whats going on, I immediatly started crying and have cried all day and have not eaten, I am so sad, and just wonder if I made the right decision. Iv’e had to put 3 other cats down in the past 5 years 2 of them with mouth and throat cancer, and one with failing kidneys and diabeties, I loved them all very much, But I have to be honest and say that this kitty My Petey was the hardest, I am trying to forgive myself and asking God if i did the right thing, because I just wonder if i did!!
Our 9 month old pit x Lily killed our deaf cat last Tuesday. She has been chasing the cats but I did not think that she would ever hurt them. We came home to find the cat dead. We gave our other cat to my sister the next day and he is very happy there.
I’m wracked with feelings of guilt. It was entirely my fault for not keeping them separated and reading the warning signs. We decided to keep Lily because it was not her fault. However, I’m not sure that I will ever really forgive and forget. It sure sounds stupid and conflicting, me knowing it’s not her fault but still not forgiving her.
Not sure what to do. I know that if I gave her away, I would regret it. But will I ever love her again?
I am SO sorry for your loss. I wish the right answer could come from me, but I think the only right answer about how to keep Lily has to come from inside yourself. I’m heartbroken for you and your family.
I wonder if you could come up with a sweet ceremony of remembrance to your cat, full of happy wishes to your beautiful kitty in heaven. If you have kids, maybe they could draw pictures or something. I know there’s something call prayers paper, where you could each write a prayer for the cat (if you’re spiritual) and then the papers are put in a bowl outside and burned. The smoke takes the prayers to heaven.
Anything that could bring peace and healing to your hearts might leave less of a hole in your hearts and you could embrace Lily as your innocent, well-intentioned pup. Even a new collar or tag to to honor the loving pup who is part of your family might help? You know she lives by instinct and lacks the human understanding of what she did.
Your kitty is okay now, and your pup needs your true affection; she is an innocent, and you’re the mom who has to find a way to make it right. If, in the end, you find that you can’t do it, then it’s in the best, kindest interest of Lily to find her a good and caring home where she WILL get 110% of the love a pet deserves.
You’re sweet for loving pets. Learning to celebrate that life is brief and love is forever and forgiveness is the most healing gift we can offer ourselves or another.
I love a daughter to an accidental death. I’ve had to walk the path. Hugs and well wishes to you and yours.
I just had to put down my female tabby yesterday. Her name was Cookie, and she was almost 8 years old. Almost 2 weeks ago she began bleeding from her vagina but we weren’t sure if maybe she was going through a bad case of feline heat. She seemed to be doing fine for a while but then she stopped eating and going to the bathroom was difficult. She spent the last few days just laying wherever she ccould and would sometimes limp as she walked. We thought maybe her leg was falling asleep from the constant laying down. Yesterday she stated leaking pus from her vagina so we knew that there was no more pushing it back. We took her to the vet.
She had a severe uterus infection (she wasn’t spayed), and the vet said the infection had gotten into her blood and was affecting her kidneys. The operation to save her was going to be over $5000, there was no way we could afford that. We opted to put her down, and I can honestly say, it was the hardest decision of my life, and the most painful experience thus far. We held her in her final moments, she purred as the injections occurred and nestled her face into my sisters chest as she passed away.
I’ve read that when cats know their body isn’t doing well they commit suicide by refusing to eat. That means for over a week now she knew she was going to die. That means that yesterday morning when we woke up and found her cuddling with the other two cats, something she never does, she was saying goodbye. And all that time we were sitting around, deciding if we had the money to take her in, she was suffering.
I can’t even describe how much I hate myself right now. I keep wondering, why didn’t I have her spayed? Why didn’t I insist we take her to the vet when we first saw her bleeding? Why did she have the misfortune to be owned by owners who weren’t financially able to help her when she needed it?
She was actually my sisters cat, but when we first got her as a kitten she always slept with me and followed me everywhere. When the vet stated giving her the injection, I couldn’t help but see that kitten that fit in the palm of my hand, and would wake me up every morning by licking my eyebrow until I got up and fed her. She was a very affectionate cat, always licking us, sometimes to the point I would yell at her to stop because her tongue hurt, but now I wish I could go back and let her lick me until she grew tired of it.
I always thought I was strong enough to make the decision to put them to sleep but I was wrong. I know they say to think of the good times but all that seems to do is remind me of what I lost, what I can no longer enjoy doing with this cat who deserved so much better than us.
Goodbye Cookie
I love you, and you were always welcome in my room*
*she used to break my stuff so I always yelled at her to get out of my room.
I feel like my husband, friends and the rest of the world are about to have me committed considering how devastated I am at the loss of our precious dog Zoe so I figured I’d come write here. Maybe it could help. We got Zoe 9.5 years ago, the day before we moved into our house. She was the most precious and sweet pittbull boxer mix I’ve ever met. We called her our princess and our angel, her back had beautiful markings that looked just like angle wings. We’ve decided not to have kids so Zoe was our kid, and spoiled accordingly. When my parents passed away she sat by me and licked my tears for months. She had so many beds, blankets and toys and deserved them all. She was lucky to get to go to work with my husband for the past two years, we called her our little warehouse dog. She even got a sister to play with, they did everything together.
We found a lump on Zoe last year and had it removed but not tested based on the vets recommendation. It grew back so we had it tested again and it was positive for Mast Cell Tumors. We did 8 rounds of very expensive chemo and were hopeful, she just finished them last week. If the vet hadn’t of told us and there weren’t any lumps, we would have never known sweet Zoe was sick. When Zoe came home on Monday night she could barely walk in the door. She walked as if her back legs were broken and refused to eat. She loved snacking on crickets and cardboard so we were hoping she just had an upset stomach. Unfortunately, there was no improvement overnight. I laid with her on the ground and told her how much I loved her and how much joy she had brought me but she just stared into space. We took her to the vet and the vet confirmed she had a lot of fluid around her spleen. Our choices were to aspirate the spleen or just let her hang on as long as possible. We knew the kind of cancer she had grows to the spleen a lot, and if it were that, they would recommend surgery and probably have to put her down during surgery. We couldn’t stand the thought of her being on an IV and in a cage for her last possible night so we gave her a shot of steroids and went home to think about it. We laid her in her favorite sunny spot on the porch and held her in bed. We got her up to try to eat again and she collapsed then ran into the table. It was so gut wrenching that we couldn’t take it so we took her to the vet and had her put down. We held her the entire time and let her keep her favorite blanket. I thought I wanted to be in the room but now all I can think about is her taking her final breath and her empty eyes staring at us. The sedative worked and she didn’t make any noises, she was already having labored breathing. Unfortunately, I can’t shake the image of her chest moving one minute then being still the next. When we were walking out of the room all I saw was her lifeless body on that cold table. I wanted to run and scream and ask them to undo it and try to make her better. It’s been 36 hours now and I feel like my guilt is only getting worse. I feel like I let my best friend down, like I played God to the most loyal companion I’ve ever had. I hope I can heal with time.
Hello,
My name is Joe and I just had to put my dog Lilly down. I am currently feeling relieved but also guilty like I played God.
Lilly was my best friend we walked and ran together since she was a puppy. She was 11 years old when she passed away and had a great life.
Lilly was a Yellow Lab / Australian Shepard mix and was a great dog. Always wagging her tail and often grabbing my daughters stuffed animals in her mouth. I actually kept one and slept with it last night because it smells like Lilly.
It’s heartbreaking and not easy. Lilly had a tumor behind her eye which was forcing it forward. About two years ago she had two black spots which the vet just said were fatty tumors and no big deal. I don’t know, I feel guilt now for not looking further into it further. Maybe it was a sign.
All I know is before they put her down, I think she knew she looked up at me twice as if it was ok. She layed her head down on my feet and started sleeping on her own. The medicine to make her sleep more worked and then the other stuff worked fast. I felt awful and didn’t want to leave her body. I had her cremated and want her to be buried with me as she was my life companion I’ll never forget.
I completely understand how everyone feels expecially you Joe. Just this last Saturday I had to euthanize my 7 year old dog due to complications from Lymphoma Sarcoma/ cancer. She was best! Even without Chemotherapy, and just a homemade diet, tumeric, prednisone and alkaline water. She lived 6 whole months post diagnosis. The vets said at the time she had maybe 6-8 weeks tops. The two days preceding her demise she completely changed. Her anus glad remained stock out, she lost the desire for human contact, she would not eat anymore, her eyes were red and all her lymphoids were the most swollen I have ever seen them. The decision was easy. That’s all. Everything after that was the toughest time in my life. For most of Molly’s life she did her job well. She even tried protecting us when they came in for the second and final shot completely out of it. Her spirit was strong just like her. I really didn’t know what to expect or how to feel afterwards. To be honest, I have never cried so much in my life. Watching her leave and her eyes turn to that of a stuffed animal was more then I could bare. I’m riddled with guilt still. I miss her more now then I ever thought I can imagine. My house is so empty. My heart is too!
Kelli I just lost my little chihuahua of nine years.. I would love to talk to you and see how you are doing, I am so grief stricken I feel like my whole world has ended.
Jen I just lost my chihuahua of 11 years I am also devastated and I feel lost without her. I would love to talk to you
I’m so very sorry. I just had to out my beautiful 8 yo husky Baylah to sleep. We were scheduled for surgery for an arthritic hip- and while we waited they did an extravxray and biopsy- and the surgeon said she has aggressive cancer in
Her hip AND in her pelvis.. The only surgery that might help was removing part of her pelvis and her left hip.. She was an abused pup when I caught her in afield surviving for months- I promised her I’d never allow her to be hurt… But I DID! The night we came home from the failed attempt at surgery — we hoped like you that we could bring her home and think about it… But after the biopsy and exams den wing under for 40 mins…. She was I horrible pain- couldn’t sit or lay, kept throwing up… Her breathing was awful- so I took her to pet ER for pain meds- they works for an hour and she was a mess again. Gave her anmild sedative and I asked my husband to carry her to,the car and to please take her to pet ER for euthanasia. I kissed her and said her name and she slightly opened her eyes– she she wasn’t really even there any more… My girl left because end the pay before she was even taken to the vet. I asked the vet to please come to my car for this as I couldn’t bare the thought of her having to enter another Drs office ( we’d be in and out a lot the last weeks trying to figure out why she was limping so..why couldn’t they see this earlier some could have treated it?! Her lungs were clear, all Otha s clear too.
And I would STILL I do it all if I could. I wish I asked the vet to put her on fluids and stronger pain meds so we could have a calm day with us and say a final goodbye peacefully w our vet athlete me.
I’m so sad I will never see that girl, touch that girl again.
Please think of me in whatever way you might pray. My cat Freya slipped out of the house 2 1/2 months ago when a workman left the door open for the second time. I feel like we looked for her everyday and every night the garage was left open till late as we could. She never came home. Two weeks ago I was coming home from the aiport and I swore I saw her on the porch. I nearly fell out of the car and walked up to her, she was behind a planter. She hissed at me. I went to open the door and turn off the alarm system and she ran away. She hid under the neighbors car with her back to me. Then when they turned on their light she ran away into the bushes.
That turned out to be my last chance. Two days ago I got the call from the animal shelter they had found her and I needed to come right now. What I saw will haunt me forever. She was a skeleton and she could barely stand up. They had found her on the street walking in circles.
I drove her immediatly to the nearest vet. She was dying of exposure. All that time I thought someone had taken her in and cared for her. It was a delusion. She had been dying out there for two and half months and we had somehow missed her every single day.
I paid the money to try to save her. They let me hold her in my arms before the treatment. She just laid there, soft and limp in my arms. She had gone blind so she could only smell me. And I gave her over.
About 12:25 I was sitting up and a horrible whooshing feeling came over me. I knew she had died. She had died alone in that vets office. All by herself.
And I wished I had been kind enough or clear enough to put her down when I first brought her there. I wish I would have held her in my arms when she died. Or that I took her home after the treatment and put her on the bed, let her rest there on her bed, and waited while she died. I even had doubts the doctors really did the right thing for her severe anemia or her possible liver failure.
I am wrecked with guilt. I keep seeing the chain of events. Me not trying hard enough to find her. Me thinking she had been adopted because she was so pretty and sweet. Me scaring her away when she did try to come home. Me not putting out the humane trap in the right place to catch her after I saw her. Catching the wrong cat.
Me not doing the right thing and putting her to sleep so she’d stop suffering and letting her die with her mom’s arms wrapped around her. I wish the vet just told me to let her go. She deserved better.
I euthanized a cat in July in order to prevent her suffering. When another cat got sick in October, I was not ready to do it again, so I selfishly allowed surgery to try to save him. I know now that I should have been strong enough to let him go. He died 3 days after surgery. I know how you feel. It feels like I let him down. I guess sometimes we’re just too close to the situation to know what is best. I really wish more veterinarians would help with making these decisions. The ones I went to at the oncology unit were not helpful at all. I hope you find peace.
Cloud_D: Please don’t be so hard on yourself!! There’s only so much we, as humans, can do in these situations. You did what you knew to be right at that given point at time, and that’s all that can be done. We’re not superheroes. She knows you loved her deeply. Please know that she is in good hands now, and is there with you every single day in spirit.
I feel for you. I lost my beautiful little cat Elsa three weeks ago in a similar way. She was only 17 months old. I am struggling every day with feelings of guilt and loss. I miss her so much and keep thinking about how many times I must have walked past her when I was out day and night, calling her name and looking for her. By the time I found her – hiding in some bushes in the front yard of a house in the street behind mine – and rushed her to the animal hospital, she was suffering from severe shock. She had spent two days and nights outside, after being attacked by a dog. It had rained on the second night. I know she was in extreme pain with a broken pelvis and suffered so much in the last 3 days of her life. If I hadn’t opened the back door to let her out that Wednesday night (something I would not normally do, as she was strictly an indoor cat at night) she would still be with me. Why did I do it? If I had searched harder and more aggressively, I might have found her sooner and the shock might not have progressed to the fatal stage. In the end, my poor little girl died of cardiac arrest. She was just too little and too weak to overcome the shock. The vets administered CPR for half an hour, but I had to make the final decision to tell them to stop and ‘let her go’ when I was told that she had crashed twice in that time and that continuing CPR was most likely futile. I couldn’t put her through anymore suffering. I had to make this final decision in an emotional state and over the telephone. Was it the right one? I was told over the phone at 6:30 pm that she was actually showing some signs of improvement and should make it through the night, so I allowed myself to have hope, and was excited about seeing her again the next morning. While I know the hospital staff did their best to save her, I feel sick knowing that I couldn’t hold her and comfort her before she died and I never got to hear her beautiful little meow again – only her howls of pain when I picked her up carried her home before taking her to the hospital. Thinking about her crying still breaks my heart. Although I was able to see her once in the ICU on the Saturday afternoon before she died that evening, she was on very high doses of morphine for her pain and I don’t even know if she was aware of my presence. I can only hope and pray that she knew I was there and could feel me stroking her and telling her how sorry I was and how much I loved her. I had my Elsa cremated and she came home two weeks ago and stays on my bedside table next to her photo and a fresh rose from the garden each day. The grief is still intense as is the guilt. I just want her back so badly. I am hoping that in time I will be able to forgive myself. I hope that you will also get to that point some day soon. Take care.
Like everyone here I am feeling extreme loss and guilt of my cat, Yoyo. He was only 7 years old and healthy. This morning was like any other morning and he was fine rolling around on the floor like he always had before. Not long after letting my cats on the screened in patio, he came in and howled and was panting. Then moments later, I noticed his legs were motionless and he couldn’t walk. I was hysterical and my husband said we needed to take him to the vet immediately. We got there and they put him on oxygen and tried to sedate him to calm him down. They did xrays and found he had congestive heart failure, lots of fluid in his lungs and his legs were paralyzed. I was and still am in shock. The doctor said we could go through all these treatments and have him on oxygen for an undetermined amount of time. I couldn’t care to see my sweet, loving and silly cat suffer. I knew why we had to do, but now I am feeling guilty. Were there things I could have done to prevent this? How did I miss these signs? I have a heavy and sad heart because he was like a child to me. I know we made the right decision, but it never makes it easy.
Last week I had my Lhasa, Ozzy put to sleep. He would have been 15 in a couple of months. I have been taking care of my mother, who has Alzheimer’s for several years. We would take Ozzy and our dearly departed pom, Sunny to the park twice a day for years. I remember thinking back then, that dogs are pack animals and hoped they were happy being part of our “pack”. They were given plenty of love and attention, nice beds, fine nutrition and they were basically, our whole world.
Sunny, who was 15 was put down a few months ago. He had no quality of life, was completely blind, couldn’t control his bladder, and slept all day. It was his time and he went peacefully.
In the past couple of years my mother required more and more of my time and attention. We didn’t go to the park anymore. Living with Alzheimer’s sometimes is like living with madness. It’s a lot more complex than someone forgetting things and people. I am overwhelmed at times.
Ozzy too was getting old, losing his sight and his hearing. Things began to change and we still talked to him, gave him attention and had our usual routine of treats during movie time, but Ozzy would cry incessantly. He had tumors and I determined he was in pain or felt sick. I didn’t want him to wait until he deteriorated and suffered who knows what, so discussed euthanising him with my family over a couple of months. His crying drove my mother crazy and I had to explain to her over and over and over that he was old.
The day he was put down he was alert and I dreaded going to the vet, but it was decided, that was the plan and I felt that it would give me the ability to be a better caretaker to my mother.
One or two days later I felt like a double-crossing murderer. I totally forgot that he had health issues and was crying all the time. The peace and quite I sought turned out to be a huge void in my heart and the biggest torment I ever experienced. I’m surprised that I’m grieving so when it wasn’t exactly a rash decision I made. It’s been eleven days and I can’t stop crying. I’ve been speaking to him, begging for forgiveness, and telling him how much I love him. Since he saw that my mother was getting old, I hoped he somehow understood why I did it. I thought it was the right thing to do. At times I feel like I’ll find peace and then I’ll feel like I’ll never get over this. To make things worse, I don’t think he went peacefully. After the sedative was administered, he started to whimper and got a wild-eyed look, as if to say “something’s wrong”. He did go to sleep, but his breathing was erratic and he was huffing and puffing.
After all this, all I really care about is if his soul is at peace.
I too decided to put my best grind to sleep after 14 wonderful fun years. He was a jack Russell who went everywhere with me from horse shows, to camping, to the grocery store. I too was in the room after he was sedated, listening to his cries and now wishing I had tried 1 more medicine, waited till after the holidays and longer. I find myself having so much dread and regret about that day, replaying the whole horrible scene every morning and every night. .his grave is beneath our willow tree and I can’t even open my shades for what I used to run home to do.I keep wishing I could go back to the day before and really think it through, could I clean up after him just a few more times. I just would like to move forward UT I keep seeing his sweet little face and I am thrown into the darkness yet again. .please God forgive and help me.
I am seeking answers/affirmations/guidance from anyone who has been through as extreme a situation as mine. A lot of pet lovers probably feel like their situation is the most extreme so I do not want to diminish anyones thoughts and feelings towards their own loss. Mine was a result of an unfortunate tragedy.
My long time companion of 8 years, Honey, (Boxer/Rhodesian Ridgeback) was the most fiercely loyal companion I could ever imagine. I doted on her, took her with me everywhere I could, hugged her, kissed her, let her sleep in my bed, told her I loved her all the time. Unfortunately my fur baby had problems with aggression towards other animals. She wasn’t always like that, but a month after my daughter was born she became territorial and she had it out for another family pet. Looking back I think there were at least eight to a dozen times where we had to pull the dogs off of each other during a viscious battle. We tried to keep them separate with gates which worked for a while, but as our animals grew older they grew needier and desired more and more attention in the common area with us. On Tuesday, my baby got out and attacked her long time rival. My blessed mother tried to stop the fight and grabbed my dog by the collar to try to stop her. For the first time in my dogs life she turned on my mother and bit her. My mother lost a lot of blood but she is doing fine now (thank you God!). 911 was called and animal control came to take my baby. I knew when I heard the news that I would have to put her down and I realized she was too much of a risk to be around my mother or my daughter. I went to the shelter and relinquished her to the city. They would not allow me to hug her, touch her, pet her or be with her before or during the euthanasia and cited that it was state law. I am feeling the weight of the world knowing my baby is gone now. I know personally that she would have never hurt me and even though I did the right thing by my mother, I feel like I did the wrong thing by my dog. I wish I could feel her with me, some sign that she is here or listening to me. I wish I could see her in my dreams. I wish I could have held her and comforted her during her transition to death. I wish I had gotten a house instead of an apartment so I could have left her in a back yard instead of my mothers where she continued to get lose when I wasn’t around. I wish I could have done right by her, she had her problems, but she was the most amazingly fierce loving companion I’ve ever known. You will be forever loved and missed Honey Bear.
Yesterday I put my best friend of 13 years down. She was a black lab named Maggie who was losing control of her bowels and had a very hard time getting up or down. I am racked with guilt because she looked at me when they were giving her the shoot with what a can only describe as betrayal. Every time I close my eyes I see her. This is unlike anything I have ever known. I paid to have her group cremated and her ashes put in a pet garden. I think I need to call and have a individual cremation so I can have a memorial for her to help me move on. My mind says I did the right thing, but my heart us broken. I miss her unlike I have ever missed anyone.
My dog was with me for 13+ years also. I am very sad. It was the same situation – lost control of her bowels, not able to stand steadily. I loved her more than many people. She felt like a part of me – she was part of my identity. She was a sweet dog. I agonized about having to make this decision. I told her she was special every day. She was a very good dog.
I am so thankful to find this web page. I made the decision to put my good best friend, Maggie, down yesterday. She was 15 years old and a lovely shizhu-poodle mix. She was almost blind and deaf but still playful up until recently. For the past couple of weeks I watched her go down hill fast. I watched her legs tremble while she stood and she could barely navigate the steps. She wouldn’t stand up and stick her head out the car window anymore. She stopped meeting me at the door. She wasn’t interested in food or treats although she did eat a little bit. The odor was horrid. I could see her skin breaking down; it was mottled.
I made the decision to put her out of this misery because I didn’t want to see her suffer like our other dog. I held her while the vet put the meds in her veins. I talked to her and told her how much I loved her. I feel incredibly guilty! I had no idea I would feel all this guilt! And what if??!! Reading your comments has helped me tremendously. I can’t stop crying. I wish I had waited and gave her a little longer. But then I think that would be selfish of me. I go back and forth with these contradicting thoughts. It’s good to know I am not alone with these thoughts. Thank you all.
It is so hard. We love our pets. For me – I miss my dog. I miss her presence. I will miss being able to hug her. Dogs are so wonderful. So sweet. My dog used to make me laugh. She was a perfect companion – quiet, warm, even tempered, playful (during the good times). She knew I loved her.
I lost Max, my 4 year old Shih Tzu yesterday and am consumed with guilt. He had been bothered with one of his dew claws which was paining him and bleeding lots. I took him to the Vet who gave me the choice of waiting on it healing in time (around 10 weeks) but he would still be in pain or having him sedated and them trimming the claw and cauterising it that day. I decided to go with the operation and signed the consent form. I called a couple of hours later and was told he was fine and had come round from the anaesthetic but was still groggy so they advised for me to wait a couple of hours before collecting him. An hour later they called and told me he had died. He had no history of any underlying health issues and up until that point was a fit and healthy dog. They couldn’t say what exactly happened and offered to do further investigation but it wouldn’t bring him back and all I wanted was to take him home and bury him in the garden. I have been in tears ever since. My sister died unexpectedly 3 weeks ago, and he was my reason for getting up in the morning. I couldn’t lie around feeling sorry for myself, I had him to walk and see to. Im a racked with guilt.
I have been reading and suffering the loss of my dog. I have read everyones words here tonight. My boy was 11 and woke up one morning with his mouth open and I thought it was his teeth. he had bad breath and I new he needed dental work. He actually had a broken jaw. His bad tooth had rotted his jaw bone and it gave. So my guilt has been unbearable. I feel i let him down since i hadn’t had his teeth done in two years. He was a shih tzu and due to the small bone it gave away., I sat with him for 2 days (weekend) and the vet said it would take a specialist and a week before they could do surgery that may have or may not have worked to put his jaw back together and let the bone grow back. he fought the pain meds and I decided not to put him through so much more pain and put him down on monday morning. Then the guilt hit and the what if you all are talking about here. After reading all these heart breaking stories i went to bed and tossed and turned but had to come write this. We all made that choice for our pets to keep them from feeling more pain. We made the choice for them. Then our pain comes in and we have to wonder if we made the right choice. well i now realize we made that choice from our hearts and had we decided to have the surgery then we would have spared ourselfs this pain we are in, all the while letting them continue to suffer. So as i realize I hope you will too: would it have been better to let them continue in pain so we wouldn’t be? I think we all made that choice out of our love for our babies and we have to feel better now that we did. They don’t hurt. We do but we loved them enough to let them go and any person who can love a pet that much should never lock out another pet out there who deserves to live with a person who can love them that much. We didn’t throw them away we released them from hurt. People give pets away everyday because they don’t want them and the people here and me, didn’t do that. We loved them so deeply we released them. thank you everyone for sharing your story and Mariann for having this website here for everyone. I am going to see if i can sleep now with my Louie in my heart and remember him on my pillow next to me when he loved me that much too. God bless you all and please try to forgive and release your pain as I am going to try to do myself. Our babies are in our hearts.
thank you. it is very reassuring. we released them. my sweet dog was a very good dog.
Want to thank you SUE for sharing your story ,it was comforting for me to read your words , We had to put our beloved Shih Tzu down a month ago now , It was One of the hardest things I had to decide to do . Her was 8 years old and had Disk Disease resulting in loss of use of hind legs . I have been dealing with all the what ifs? and guilt ever since . thinking we should of kept him on pain killers , reading your story made me realize Yes we did not let him continue in pain (Hard to know how much pain he was actually in days) but I did know he wasn’t himself . My guilt has been unbearable without him here by my side But since reading your words I know he is no longer hurting Thanks for sharing & glad I found this site to read in my time of need
I had to put my sweet Shih Tzu Buttercup to sleep this morning. She was only 12 1/2 but suffered from heart disease and for the past month was dealing with a bunch of other issues. After finding her in a puddle of blood while she was sleeping, there was no denying what had to be done. However, once we were about to put her down, I was asked if I wanted to be with her (which I had been for all my other animals) but because I know that with heart disease comes a not so pretty ending, I was scared and didn’t want to see her that way. I know in my heart I did the right thing by putting her down, but my guilt is unrelentingly painful because I wasn’t there to hold her and be the last person to touch her. How do I live with that? How do I let that go? How can I stop blaming myself for not being there? Will she ever forgive me?
I had to put my doggy down after having her for 10years. She was a second generation pet. Her mom passed many years ago when she was a pup. About 3yrs ago o spent over $1000 for a surgery after she got pregnant by a lager breed dog. The pups were dying inside her and I loved her so much I couldn’t let her go back then. About 2-3 months ago she developed a strange lump by her hind legs. After doing research I knew it was cancer. I knew I would eventually have to put her down because I wouldn’t be able to pay for treatments. I tried to keep her comfortable but recently she was no longer being herself. Her eyes were sad, she wouldn’t get up to greet me anymore, and she limped when she walked. The lump grew and leaked fluid and blood. I knew the day was soon approaching; i would soon be putting her down. I had dreams about it, and other nights I lost sleep over it. Today was the day. Even after the vet told me I was doing the right thing I have lingering questions in my mind. What if I had chose surgery and the tumor never came back? What if I had just kept her a little longer; how much longer could we have been together? Should I have stayed during the euthanizing? I feel like I tricked her, like I lured her into my car to end her life. I never want another pet. I’m crushed.
I’m overcome by guilt and regret for my 7 year old pointer mix, sig. He was diagnosed with bladder stones 9 months ago. We spent five hundred dollars on x-Rays and special food. We went back to the vet and the food didn’t dissolve his stones. We were told he needed a $2000 surgery. My husband was layed off from his original job so him and I were both working low wage jobs. We couldn’t afford the surgery. I tried all kinds of home remedies for months. A few days ago sigs urethra was blocked. He couldn’t urinate. I had to make the heart breaking decision to euthanize him. I couldn’t allow him to suffer and couldn’t afford surgery. Now I feel regret. I wish I had found some way to have the surgery done. He was a great dog and didn’t live long enough. He was my walking buddy and I taught him numerous tricks(very smart) I’m having a hard time with my decision.
Hi Amanda,
I feel like I can relate to your story especially because we too had to put down our 8 year old Dalmatian because of bladder stones (two vets said it was bladder stones, and two said bladder cancer, but none of them ever found out the true cause). The first time he couldn’t urinate the vet also recommended we do a $2000 surgery to remove the stones but we couldn’t afford it. 8 months of emergency vet visits and 6 catheterization later, we just couldn’t do it anymore and I cannot stop thinking that if we had just somehow managed to do the surgery the first time that he would still be here with us. My heart goes out to you.
I had to put my 11 year old Boston Terrier Mugsy to rest early Tuesday morning. He was in congestive heart failure and had very little hope of pulling through. He had started eliminating in the house, and he couldn’t even walk around without passing out from lack of oxygen. I brought Mugsy home when he was 6 weeks old and he was so little that I was able to carry him in my jacket pocket. He was always here for me and I feel like I let him down when he needed me the most. I was with him when he went to sleep forever. That was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I feel so guilty. I love him and miss him very much.
Denise, I had a chihuahua that died of heart failure, naturally, at home because i was in denial that she was dying. Please, please believe me when i tell you you did the right thing and spared your baby a horrible death. I watched mine die naturally and it was horrible. Mugsy was lucky he had a peaceful, pain free death instead of the terrible one mine had. And im so sorry for your loss. I lost my Boston last year and i still cry over him.
I have just had to put my dog to sleep brad was 14 his legs were going on him his eyes were cloudy seemed to be losing it and he had started to get nasty with my son which he had never done before he had biten him last year but this was different it was bad.
I am comsumed with grief he was the best dog ever I feel like I let him down I should off tried harder I know he was in pain and I didn’t want him to bite my boy and brad be classed as a bad dog. Feeling lost x
I put my 15-year-old kitty named Cassandra down yesterday. I’ve put pets down several times, and it never gets easier. I always second guess and doubt the decision, especially when the vet administers the drugs. There’s always a part of me which wants to protect them and not let it happen even though I know rationally it is for the best. Emotionally I always want to think there’s hope and a chance they will get better.
What is also hard is how often the vet doesn’t or can’t know 100 percent what is wrong. Then there is the thought of how much do you put a pet through before you admit the suffering they go through for surgery or procedures is not worth it. Sometimes it is more merciful to let something go. Making the decision is always hard and weighing the degree of pain vs. a peaceful end is not ever a simple choice.
I want to believe when each pet goes they are reunited with their fellow playmates who passed before, and it is comforting to think they are taking care of each other. I certainly hope it is true.
Bye, bye Cassie. I hope the pain you felt was not too great and by letting you go I saved you from more suffering. And I hope you are with ET, Alexis, Cymber and Jack. And will be there when Arnold and Sherman need to go. You always had so much compassion and deserved so much more. Love always
I put my cat to sleep yesterday, he was 15 and had kidney failure. He was my best friend and I cannot stop crying. I went camping over the weekend and feel guilty I was not with him ( we put him into the local cattery), he seemed fine then. We picked him up Sunday and he looked abit off, anyway he went into the garden as he normally does. I noticed he was not eating and Monday called the vets who said bring him in. He was put on a drip and rapidly went down hill, vet called us Wednesday and said there was nothing more they could do, he was not eating or drinking and his kidneys had shut down. There was stuff all over his face ( something to do with the kidney failure), we knew he had kidney and thyroid problems since November and have been doing everything to help him, give him meds every day and renel food etc. He went down hill so fast. If I had known he was going to die I would of spent the weekend with him. The house seems wrong without him here, I know putting him down was the best thing for him as his kidneys were totally shot and he hated being at the vets, I feel bad he spent his last days of his life unhappy at the vets and not with me or in the garden. When we went to see him just before we put him down he purred and showed us love as always, I feel so bad putting him down, but I know he was really suffering, I feel torn , I hope he understands why we done it, I feel terrible. I feel a part of me has died. He was like my child ( I do not have kids and treated him as such ), I cannot imagine my life without him.
Rachel, I too had to put down our 15+ yr old cat yesterday due to late stage kidney disease. I know I did the ‘right’ thing but my heart misses him. He had a great day on Thursday but yesterday morning his pee pad was blood tinged .
He had pretty much stopped eating, hadn’t had a BM for several days and was constipated, and was peeing everywhere but his litter box.
I so wish they could tell us what THEY want.
Regardless we were given charge over their care and letting them go peacefully I pray is a true gift from us to them. Be blessed
I found some kittens and have been taking care of them.One started acting odd on Sunday but it didn’t seem bad enough to find a vet that was open. He died on Monday before we could get to the clinic and now i feel like total shit. He didn’t even have a name yet and I really hate myself right now.
Lily –
I found this website searching for some help with my guilt & grief after losing my companion of the last 15 years. When I read your comment I just felt compelled to respond. You may have moved far beyond these feelings since it was over a month ago that you posted this. If not, I hope these points may help you ‘hate’ yourself less:
1) Many people would not take care of kittens they found. You showed compassion & responsibility by chosing to care for these little creatures you didn’t even ask for.
2) If you had not cared for these kittens, the one that died would still most likely have died. In fact, others might have died had you not intervened.
3) This happens with animal litters. One of the reasons nature gives an animal multiple offspring at once is because statistically it is likely some will not survive childhood.
4) Something was wrong with this kitten. The fact that it declined & died so quickly makes me wonder if there could have been anything a vet could have done to prevent it. He wasn’t strong or healthy. Much suffering may have been avoided by not taking heroic medical measures to save a life that nature did not equip with a vital or robust system.
5) Mother cats don’t name their kittens. These are human conventions. This little kitten was nature’s creation, not yours. It is ok that nature decided to take him back.
I hope some of these thoughts are helpful to you. We cannot control nature, as badly as we try. This little guy didn’t have what he needed to survive. You cannot take responsibility for that. I hope you are well.
My story is a little different. I have had my cat Trixy for almost 17 years and we were about the celebrate her 17th birthday on 09-15-2015, but that wasn’t meant to be. I lost my sweet kitty Sunday morning to a horrible animal that attached and strangled her to death. It was a series of bad events that let up to her tragic & sudden death. My husband and I came home late Saturday night and Trixy was begging for her canned food up in my bedroom like she usually did. I fed her and she wanted more, so I finished off the can. She was still persistent with her meowing, so I pet her for a very short time and put her in the hallway and closed my bedroom door. As I was getting ready to go to bed, she started scratching at the door to come back in. I had taken my nightly sleeping medication already since I am a terrible insomniac. I was feeling extremely tired and hazy, so I put a barrier by my bedroom door so Trixy could not scratch and keep me up. As I went to bed, I started to feel a bad panic attack coming on. I tried opening the window but it did not help. I opened my bedroom door and climbed over the barrier I had put up for Trixy and went outside on my front porch. After about 10 minutes, my anxiety started to feel better, but I was consumed with drowsiness as my pills had now fully set in. It was almost 3:00 a.m. now and I opened my front door and Trixy bolted out between my legs and I watched her run down the stairs and over to the right of the house. It was so unlike her to run out the front door like that, she usually liked the backyard and was weary of the front. Not that night, I called her twice and she did not come. Instead of going after her and getting her like I normally would, I decided I would give her a little play time outside and somehow get her later. I came upstairs and in my haze I told my husband that Trixy was outside, but did not ask him to go get her. In the back of my mind I knew it was a bad idea, that ‘s why I even said something out loud. But the panic attack had drained my energy and the medication made me ignore my common sense. This is where I made the biggest mistake of my life. I did not heed the warning in the back of my mind and I allowed myself to fall asleep. I will never forgive myself for that horrific mistake. I let my guard down which I usually don’t do, because when I do is when something terrible happens. So while I was sleeping, my poor, old, dewclawed kitty was being brutally strangled and killed. My roommate woke me up just before 9:00 a.m. and said I needed to come down and see something. When I walked outside, I saw the lifeless body of my poor little Trixy. I briefly convinced myself that she was injured but not dead. I walked up to her and I could see that her throat had been cut open and there was blood around the front and back of her neck. There was blood on the asphalt and she looked so helpless and venerable. It took about 30 seconds for the horror to sink in and then I almost fell to the ground. I felt like I was going to throw up and my legs gave out from under me. How could I let this happen? How could I put my baby in harm’s way? Regardless of how bad I felt earlier that morning, it would only taken me a few seconds to go after her and bring her in the house. Why didin’t I? How could I fail her so bad? How could i not protect her? What kind of a selfish monster am I when could have prevented this? I am the one who always told my household members to not let Trixy out, especially not at night and especially not in the front by the street. Her death was so senseless and could have been completely avoided if it wasn’t for my neglegance. How could I ever forgive myself? I will live with this guild for the rest of my life. It hurts so much when I think of all the time when Trixy was sick or was injured, how i took care of her. I’d take her to the Vet, hand feed her baby food, nurse her back to health. She was my baby, and for her to die such a brutal, senseless death is more than I can bear. I know she was getting old, but I imagined that I would take care of her to the best of my ability for as long as I possibly could and would make sure that when the time came she would pass peacefully and painlessly. Not alone on the cold concrete with a predator crushing her windpipe. I never thought in a million years that would happen to her or any of my other cats. I always felt so sorry for those pet owners when I would see a dead cat on the street, and swore that would never be my cat. But Trixy’s fate was even worse. Being hit by a car is a lot less scary for a cat than being chased down by another animal that is going to kill her, not to mention painful. Either way, Trixy deserved better. She dedicated her little life to all of us and did not deserve to die alone and scared in the middle of the street. This was all my fault! My momentary lapse in judgement and my neglect led to her gruesome death.
I love you so much Trixy, I did ever since I picked you up from the pound almost 17 years ago. Please forgive me for not saving you, for not coming after you to bring you in to the house that horrible, fateful night. My whole family loves and misses you. Please forgive me for your suffering and know that I will never forget you or replace you and that I am devastated by your loss. No matter how many tears I cry, or how much I say I am sorry or ask for forgiveness, none of it means anything. You are gone because of my actions and bad decisions and there is nothing that’s going to bring you back. I was always so proud that I got you to the ripe old age of 17 and was convinced that you would til 20 even. But you were robbed of that because of me and the guilt along with the sorrow that I feel for your loss is unbearable. RIP my little foo foo kitty. I will always love you and miss you, all of us will. Good bye Trixy!
Fariba – I can feel the pain in your writing. I think when pets get older, we feel more secure they will be here forever, and we let our guard down – as they have triumphed over ever illness and setback thus far. It is the guard, in the end – lowered that gets us all. And, guilt for our lack of action is devastating being hind-site 2020. I pray that you are released from this pain, and focus on the wonderful life Trixy had with you, and all of the moments you cared for her.
Fariba I am so sorry for the loss you are feeling. Of all the stories I have read I feel like yours is the most similar to mine. Definitely different circumstances but the feeling that I’ve totally failed my Bear leaves me sleepless at night. My dog attacked our other dog and bit my mother in the process. It came as a complete shock to me because she had never bitten a person before and never showed any signs that she would bite anyone. Animal control came to get her and ultimately she was put down by the animal shelter. I had to sign her death warrant which still tears at my soul. I wish they would have let me be with her during her final moments. I couldn’t touch her, pet her, hug her or be with her at the end. She had to be put down by people she didn’t know who were under the pretense that she may or may not have rabies even after I insisted that she had just been vaccinated less than two months ago. I got two minutes to say goodbye to her and she was so hopeful when she saw me, she thought I was going to take her home. It broke my heart having to lie to her, to leave her. I feel like I betrayed her.
I’m sorry I didn’t mean to make this about me but when you’re a self obsessed grieving dog lover like myself you kind of end up on the tangent. I wanted to share my story with you though to let you know that you are not alone in your grief and I understand your loss and the depth at which you feel it.
I secretly wish my Bear would have died in battle rather than have to die the way she did.
Be kind to yourself and know that you can’t control everything, it’s a very hard lesson I’ve learned this week. No matter how much you prepare and worry, you can’t control everything.
God be with you and your fur baby and look for her at the other side of the Rainbow Bridge when it is time.
It was not your intent to hurt the cat. Your intent was good. You gave her a great life. You loved her.
I recently just had to put down my beloved dog. She was 17 years old and she just wasnt doing well. I knew it was time because sshe couldnt walk without falling over. She stopped eating food and hardly would drink water so i knew it was time. Also the vet said she practically no blood flow and she had dementia. Now i thought i was okay with it until it happen. I dont think a day as gone by without me crying about it although it only has been a week. I’ll admit i feel really guilty. see i got a cat about 3 years ago and i feel like ive neglected my dog i feel so bad i almost dont even want the cat anymore. I know im being irrational after all my dog decided to lay next to me right before she passed. I also think i could of made her last couple of days great like just spend the day with her and one last cuddle session. just hope she knows how much i love her. It’s been so tough i love that dog so much. She gave me some of the best years of my life
I had to put my degu to sleep this afternoon and while I know it was for the best as he was in pain and had some other health issues I feel so guilty as I had bought a new hamster home this morning ( I have 3 hamsters, 2 gerbils and (now) 2 degus) and just am upset in case he thought I had bought a new pet home and was getting rid of him for the new animal. This is what’s making me more upset than anything in one way, I had him and his brothers for 2 years and had been looking after them at an animal rescue I volunteer at for 4 – 5 months before. They have never been very happy at being handled but he used to run onto my shoulder for treats or just to look out of the window! and while we were in the vet’s office he ran and sat on my shoulder having a good look around while I was trying to say goodbye to him and that’s bothering me too… and I left him in the office for the vet to do the injection as he was fighting it so much it was distressing both of us. Would he have given in easier if I had left? Will he be at the bridge with all the other animals I’ve loved, both at the rescue and the ones who ‘owned’ me or will he just remember me ‘replacing’ him with a different animal a few hours before he died? Sorry to ramble, but feeling very raw about this today and having quite bad depression seems to be magnifying the worst parts of this for me.
My beloved chocolate lab Hershey is 13. He has severe arthritis. He can’t get up by himself, can’t walk farther than the end of the driveway, often falls and is incontinent. I know I need to put him down. He has destroyed my house. I come home and find him sitting in his feces. I have pulled up the carpeting and painted the subfloor with “Kills” to hide the stains and the smell. I wash everything with bleach water. But he still wags his tail and looks at me lovingly. I cry all the time. I don’t want to be a “murderer” but I can’t live like this anymore.
I too have had to almost do the same here as well. Oh the agony of seeing your beloved in such a mess physically and mentally. I had to help assist her just yesterday by taking her in for Euthanasia. Our beloved girl at the age of 15 had arthritis as you mentioned and was in the same situation but she also had lost 75% of her breathing the past few months and that was the final strike when we had to admit her quality of life was over and that she only lived for us and our love and that she may have not left any sooner being so loyal and all to the pack she so loved.. I wish you the best and your beloved as well.. It is one of the hardest things to do but it is also the most loving gift you can give at the same time.
Linda,
I had just put my dog to sleep on Friday 6/26/15. He was a jack russell, 16 years old, and the last 2 years of his life his eyes became cloudy and hard to see, couldn’t walk down the stairs by himself like he used to, cried alot, urinated more frequently and sometimes diarrahea. It was a HARD decision, but I knew my family couldn’t take care of him anymore. Our house has also been destroyed with the constant clean up and smell. You may feel a sense of guilt afterwards, but that’s OK. You are doing what’s best for your pet and your family. Know that you are not alone and I completely understand what you are going through. I wish you the best!!
Linda I understand what you are going through. It’s an agonizing decison to let your best friend go. On October 23, 2015 I said farewell to my beloved 15.75yo dog Duffy. For almost an entire a year I was placing cardboard boxes down because he was unable to control his bodily functions. Other than that he was hanging in there. But suddenly he started having severe seizures. Witnessing his distress was frightening. I knew it was time, called the vet and made an appointment for the euthanasia. Those three days of waiting were BRUTAL knowing he would no longer be with me. He passed peacefully and calmy with all of our family surrounding him. When I asked the vet did we do the right thing she said “yes…it’s better to be one week early than one minute too late”. So, now I believe the decision to release him was an act of love. We are never ready to let them go…you are not being selfish. It is obvious that you have given your pup a loving and caring home!
I am forever grateful for the many years of memories made but the emptiness I feel and the void of presesence is overwhelmimg. My grief rivals that of a close family member. Grieving a painful, painful process.
I wish you peace of heart!
I don’t know what I was thinking when I let my female kitty go in August 2009. She became ill. I had just had a another kitty with pneumonia a few months earlier and had financial help with him and hadn’t yet repaid that person. I didn’t have the funds to treat her and didn’t want to ask for financial help from anyone. So I let her go. I took her to the Humane Society in San Bernardino and told them I had no money to treat her. They said it was okay to put her down. I have never forgiven myself since. It has been six years and I have never gotten over it. I think she may have just had an infection or virus, etc. I have been tormented ever since thinking there was more that I could have done. Please let this be a warning to others who think there are no other options when you don’t have the funds. Please take some time to think before acting hastily. Sometimes, things may not be as dire as you believe. Please, do whatever you can to save your pet. Ask family, friends, etc., set up a go fund me account, whatever. She was a little angel and didn’t deserve to go this way. I miss my little girl kitty so much.
I lost my pet rat, Charlie (named so because he is a beautiful charcoal colour), just a couple of hours ago and I am having a terrible time dealing with it. I got him and his brother when they were juveniles and I’ve only had them for a couple of months, but they are just as much members of the family as my 14 year old dog. On Wednesday night, I noticed that Charlie didn’t come out to play and seemed tired, which is unusual for him and his fun loving personality. I snuggled him for a while and just let him rest to see if he would come around. I checked on him again Thursday morning, but they both tend to be asleep at that hour, and both were peaceful, so I went to work. On Thursday evening (yesterday evening), when I got home, he continued to seem lethargic and he was not eating. He did, however, drink a lot of water. I tried tempting him with this favorite foods, but it wasn’t working. I also tried feeding him some juice with an eye dropper, but he wouldn’t drink that either. At the time, his breathing seemed fine – he just seemed to be lethargic. I brought him for a steam in the bathroom regardless, hoping that it might help him perk up. He tried to get some of the steam from the open shower door to clean himself a little, but that was about it. I resolved to bring him to the vet first thing in the morning today (Friday), but when I took him out of his cage to check on him, he was breathing heavily and seemed to be having a difficult time, so I brought him in for another steam while we were waiting for the vet clinic to open (which was only an hour’s wait). His breathing deteriorated so quickly after that steam. He started trying to suck air in through his mouth, but he died within the next 10 minutes. I am so mad at myself for not calling the emergency number last night – maybe he could have been saved. But he wasn’t showing any signs of a breathing problem at all until this morning, when it was too late. I am devastated and I am having a very hard time coping. He was so healthy and playful right up until Wednesday night. I don’t know what could have come on so fast – I just don’t understand. I’m going to have his brother examined by the vet to make sure he’s ok. I can’t go through this again. I know I only had a short while with him, but I loved him so much. My heart is breaking.
I feel your pain. My pup did the same thing, i didn’t get her to the vets intime and I can’t cope with the guilt. The hole it’s left is too big to bear. Please make sure you have friends and family around you, it wasn’t your fault, you wouldn’t knowingly have let that happen just remember that. Your pup loves you too and even though he’s gone I’m sure he’s around still in spirit xxx
My cat did the same thing, and I’m regretting not getting him in earlier to the vet. I took him in and he had a huge crystal blockage. He stayed in one night, he was ok to come home the next day. Took him back in the next day for a check up, and was ok to come back home. He died 2 days later. The vet said he wouldn’t have let him home if he didn’t think he was going to be ok. He was not himself, after being at the vets, but he had been through the ringer with the procedure he had had, and all the drugs he had and was taking. He was bound to be tired and wanting to rest. On his last night, he was a bit more active and thought this was a good sign. But in the morning he fell off the bed and took off out of the room walking like he was drunk, then lay down. His breathing was quick and his pupils were dialated. I rung the vet and she said to bring him in at 11 (it was a Sunday so was the on call vet and she lived 20mins out of town, at this point it was about quarter to 10) but about half an hour later, he started to convulse and dribble. Rang the vet back coz I was freaking out, but of course he was dying…. I think about it all the time! I can’t think of anything else. I feel so guilty I didn’t take him when he seemed a bit off 2 days before I took him into the vet. Why didn’t i? He might still be here if I had. It consumes me! I feel like a part of me is missing. The vet was pretty stunned that he had died because even he thought he would come right. He even said there could have been something else underlying that was triggered. A blood clot even. I don’t know…. I still feel it’s my fault. It’s a week tomorrow since he passed. RIP my boy Brian. I will love you and miss you forever! xxxxx
Thankyou so much for this site.. its truly a godsend.
We lost our beloved guinea pig (Peter) yesterday, he was almost 6 & was king of the house. His favourite food was always on hand & we refused to go on holidays anywhere bcoz we didnt want to leave him with anyone, he was basically our baby which we planned our life around lol. We lost his little friend 3 years ago so we always gave him so much attention. He lived inside mostly but went outside alot & enjoyed the sun, everyone says he was spoiled hehehe. Our kids thought all piggies lived like that & didnt understand when they saw piggies at their friends house just in the yard with the wrong type of foods :-(
We had friends stay recently & after they left we noticed Peter wasnt himself.. we put this down to extra noise (he wasnt a fan) and assumed he would bounce back.. he did somewhat, but not fully but he was an older piggy & he was still eating etc so no real worries with him. The last week or so tho he was getting slower.. i kept an eye on him & he was off his food over the weekend, unfortunately the vets were closed & Monday when they opened I discover most wont look at guinea pigs anyway bcoz theyre “exotic”
He wasnt doing so well & we eventually found a vet who would see him but he died in my arms while waiting to see the vet. I feel so guilty for not seeking help earlier, altho given his age it likely wouldnt have helped but I still feel like a terrible furbaby mum :-( If theres any positive its that I was holding him til the end & he didnt die on a cold table. If he had died overnight & I found him in the morning I would never forgive myself on top of the guilt I already have. He was the most beautiful boy, I only hope he reflects on his life & thinks we did a good job making his life great :)
I found this website today and I’m so glad I did. Reading about everyone’s experiences is helping me to start accepting that Miss B (beautiful tuxedo kitty) is no longer going to be with me physically. I’m using this weekend as quiet time and spending a lot of time with her. She’s been steadily losing weight and having vomiting issues but always maintained her personality and quality of life (or so it appeared). However, as the vomiting was not subsiding, I took her to the vet a couple of weeks ago and they did an ultrasound. They found an abdominal mass, but could not be sure exactly what it was. She was also dehydrated. Some options given were aspirating the mass, exploratory surgery, etc., and a blood test in which I would have to leave her for 9 hours at the vet’s office to test for a disease called Cushing’s disease. The vet was going out of town and he said we should talk when he returned and because she also was having blood in her urine, he prescribed an antibiotic and gave her a B12 shot and SQ fluids for the dehydration. A few days ago, I noticed her becoming unsteady on her feet and not able to jump on furniture as she had only a few days before. This has continued throughout the week and she has steadily gotten weaker. I took her to the vet again yesterday and they told me that she is now anemic and that to bring her out of that would require hospitalization, and blood transfusions but that would merely be a ‘band-aid’, to quote the vet. The underlying issue of the mass/tumor would still have to dealt with. I got the impression from him that to do all of that would not necessarily help her and her quality of life is now severely compromised. She can barely stand and sleeps most of the time. I carry her to the litter box (and sometimes she urinates on her blanket before I can get her to the box). I know at this point that I must release her but I’m experiencing difficulty in actually making the call to set up the appointment. I look at her and just can’t imagine letting her go. I’ve never had to make this decision before and it’s tearing me up – I go back and forth from acceptance to denial to guilt (should I have the transfusions done, what more could I have done a few months ago, etc.). I’m definitely feeling guilt at this point, even with her still here. I hope within time I’m able to transform that into understanding, acceptance and positive memories of a happy and healthy Miss B. Thank you for reading.
Hello
I made the very difficult decision to put down my cat today. He had recurring kidney stones, urinary infections and some other things. I took him to the vet today and was today he needed surgery, x Rays blood work and medications. Also he would need a specialized food which we tried before with no results. The total bill was about $2000 or so which I could not afford. I made the decision to put him down. He was only 3 years old. I feel so much guilt that I am unable to think of anything else. I also feel as if my wife is angry with me as well. I feel like I jumped the gun and only looked at the cost. Am I wrong for thinking and feeling like a horrible person for doing this?
Hi Brandon–
I think what you are feeling is normal when it comes to euthanasia. On May 1, at 1:45 a.m., I put down my nearly 20 y/o kitty who had been with me for 17 years. She had become paralyzed due to some kind of neurological problem and declined over the course of the evening–suffering mostly in humiliation and an inability to urinate., which could’ve presented a cruel death. I took her to the vet and w/o hundreds of dollars of tests, never knew exactly what was making her decline. I refused all testing as I had made her a promise for years that in her final hours: 1) no extra time at the vet; 2) as much peace and love as I could provide; and 3) I’d be there with her if at all possible. I kept my promise to her by seeing her decline, taking her back and letting her go, but weeks later i have the same guilt you describe. I replay it in my mind and I made good decisions. I too did not have the money to do what was before me in veterinary care, and quite frankly, if I had, I would’ve kept my promise instead. Saving an animal at the expense of his or her quality of life is not saving an animal. It’s prolonging his or her suffering, which, I’m certain you witnessed. You made a kind and loving decision. Let the tears flow and the guilt will go as well. It’s hard getting to make such a decision for another being, but I’m certain that you acted out of love, even though money was a consideration as well.
Krista
Hi Brandon,
I just had my dog put to sleep on 5/23/15 for the same problem: Kidney Stones. He was 8 years old and we first discovered he had this condition last October when we noticed he was not able to urinate. We did op to do the $2000 surgery , and it was successful, but we were told the stones may return. He did not like the special food so we went back to giving him the normal food and just hoped for the best. Two weeks ago we found out his stones were back after bringing him to the vet for an x ray. On Friday we noticed he could not urinate anymore. The vet said we could do the expensive surgery once more, but my family decided that since this issue is terminal and there is no solution, it would just keep happening over and over again, so why put him through the stress of surgery just so we could prolong this.
Putting him to sleep was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through in my life, but kidney failure would be an extremely painful death for him, and it just did not seem fair to put him through surgery again only to have this keep happening.
Please know that you made the right choice and that your cat is at peace now.
My dog passed yesterday and I can’t stop thinking it was my fault. I loved her so much I can’t stand not having her with me. She was also my daughters dog and I feel so bad for her. I have lost pets before but this one is the worst. I just want to cry and I’m so angry. I wanted more time. I feel as though I’ll never recover. Sorry for your loss as well.
Whatever written in your article is very accurate. I found many things you wrote are exactly what we have gone through. I did find guilt has been pretty common across all owners with pet loss. One question I have is: was it really because we haven’t done good enough, or simply because of the loss, we feel guilty. I am sure it is because of both. But which do you think is more of the case?
Funny we might never feel we haven’t done good enough or even we didn’t, there is no strong feeling about it. But once the pet is gone, suddenly you see a big picture and have gained a long term view of life strategy, and you start seeing things you don’t see clearly before, realizing what you should have done better. Lol is this really because we learned from our mistakes, or the grief is so strong that we blamed ourselves too much?
Thank you for any feedbacks!!!
Guilt can be exceedingly strong and is not easy to let go of. You can certainly benefit from my suggestions in the article above and much more if you use the search box. You will find a whole chapter on dealing with guilt after pet loss in my book. Blessings, Marianne
My guilt is killing me. I don’t even have the energy right now to type well. So I am going to type however it comes out.
My 11 year old BC died last Friday and it has destroyed me, I knew I loved her, I just didn’t know how much until now.
Her death is causing me guilt, she had to be PTS after developing a serious condition over night.
Right now it’s things in her life that I let her down with that is killing me mentally it’s hard for me to carry on.
She had a double dewclaw, her claws sat together and curled under making them extremely hard to cut. she hated having them cut and pulled away from us when we tried. Because she hated it so much I left it for ages sometimes before cutting it, they would grow extremely close to her pads, one terrible incident back in about 2010 I noticed the claw had actually cut into my babies pad. The guilt I feel about this is eating me alive.
I let them get so close to her before cutting them, it would often be right next to her pad before I decided to force her to let me cut them. I am plagued with the idea that she lived a life of discomfort because of those pads, why didn’t I just make her let me cut them, weekly? I should have got a nail file and done it that way.
Now I have no way of knowing if they bothered her or not, and worse still I have no way of turning back the clock and doing it differently.
I LOATHE and hate myself for this.
She was loved, so so much, why didn’t I just take care of her claws better?
Despite everything good she had in her life, I feel it is now all overshadowed by this, I feel like a neglectful piece of scum to be honest.
She had so much good in her life, I know that, but none of it seems to matter. I can’t get this out of my head. I don’t deserve too really! Every time I try and think about the good times like everyone recommends, my mind is dragged back to it, I can’t forgive myself.
I am so so sorry I didn’t do good enough by you Baby girl.
I just lost my 4 years old boy (Siamese) few weeks ago on 22nd March 2015 (Sunday morning), he passed unexpectedly in the hospital due to Kidney Failure, in January his bllod results was normal by March his urea & creatinine level have elevated, alil did i knw my baby was in pain, thinking it was the side effect of vaccination he had a week earlier… the guilt i carry everyday for not seeing the signs that he was very ill, i still cant forgive myself carry for delaying the time.. i was in the hospital to get my myself treated few days before & came home to see him looking skinny & pale, at time i feel like i shouldnt have got myself admitted as i left him at home unattended for 3 days…& due to my financial constraint, i didnt have enough money to bring him to the hospital so i took him to the small vet instead & they couldnt detect what was actually wrong with him as they have not enough facilities. By the time i got some cash it was already too late, i only realised he was very ill after a week. I will never ever forgive myself for not able to save him, he was in so much of pain & i failed to identify the signs… i miss him tremendously & i visit his gave every morning, ive been having sleepless nights & ive gone very thin since hes passing… i miss his smell, his hugs & baby blue eyes…. he was not just a pet, he was my bestfriend, my souldmate & my happiness.
Going home is never the same anymore, is too quiet & dull….. i dont know if i cant cope with the loss as its too painful to bear… ive lost my cute lil happiness… joy to come home to….
(Obie – Nov 2011 – March 2015)
Michelle,
I just put my dog down he was 15 years old, almost blind and basically deaf. He had arthritis and was incontinent for more than a year. He would sleep about 18 – 20 hous a day and cry at night in pain, he would also wake me up 1-3 times a night due to pain or needing to go, he slept beside me in my bed every night. I made the decision on Tuesday to Euthanize him and when it was done I cried and like a baby and had DEEP regrets that I should have waited longer. The day he was euthanized he seemed so happy, I still have regrets, but I think thats just natural. My problem now is coming home to an empty house, everywhere I look I can see him and almost feel his presence, I have still got his food bowl and water bowl out, I cant get myself to put up his stuff yet. The thing is when you feel guilt and regret it means you truly loved your animal and did EVERYTHING you are capable of doing at the time. Time will heel your wounds and soon another little joy will come into your life. Hope this helps…
Hi Michelle, I’m so sorry for your loss. I just experienced EXACTLY what you did on May 15, 2015, except my Emily was female and 14 years old. She lived for the last two years with blindness due to cataracts and was almost completely deaf. She still ate and evacuated well but I would cry when she would be oblivious to things, which made her so vulnerable and when she hurt herself by bumping into things. She was still a happy, active girl. The past year she began suffering wth arthritis. She limped (if she would walk) and would snarl and nip if anyone touched her. I tried several prescribed pain killers but she HATED taking pills and I just couldn’t fight with her. She began crying at night like your baby and couldn’t get comfortable anywhere. She also had dementia and would sit just looking into space and barking continuously. I couldn’t go to the bathroom without her barking & barking. At that point her health got worse very quickly and I knew that it was time to say her final “night-night girlie” . The euthanasia experience itself was traumatic- the vet jabbed the tranquilizer shot into her and she cried and screamed. Before putting I pit her on the table she was sitting on my lap. She just looked deep into my eyes for a long time. I don’t know what she was saying to me but I hope with all my heart that it was,” I have loved you since the day we met, we had a wonderful life together, thank you for taking away that pain, I’ll miss you so much until we meet again.”
My dog was 14 1/2. She just started to cry in pain at night. That is when I made the decision. She had arthritis. I was giving her a prescribed steroid, and it would sometimes help. Sometimes she was unable to walk. She was unsteady on her feet. We couldn’t walk far anymore – I had to hold up her back end with a strap. I didn’t want her to be in pain at night. I had decided that I would keep her until there was pain. The vet told me she also has a growth on one of her lungs. If she didn’t feel pain I would have kept her. I miss her. I will miss her. She taught me affection – how to cuddle right. She would lick my tears when I was sad. She was protective. She was wonderful.
Reena. I too lost my Siamese. He was 15. He was pts on 5/5/16. I feel your pain. When you form the bond it’s so hard but believe you’ll see him again
Thinking of you lou Lou’s mum xx
My beautiful boy Ted was knocked down by a car on Sunday 15th March 2015. After rushing him to the vets I was told his spine and pelvis was fractured and he had absent deep pain sensation and therefore there was less than a 20% chance of survival.
He looked well but was unable to stand or move from below his front paws so a decision had to be made.
I made that awful decision to let him go and I am now so full of sadness and question if I should have gave him longer to see if he recovered and should I have had him operated on.
My heart feels heavy and the tears roll continuously.
My name is Jennifer
I had to put my cat Tigger down on Feb 28 2015. He was almost 12 years old.
He had urinary blockage. I have so much guilt. He was peeing on the couch back in August but I just thought he was being a bad kitty. He was still loving and being his normal self so I thought. He never cried when peeing. On the evening of Feb 27 I noticed he was struggling to go to the washroom. I thought it was constipation but then I noticed he hadn’t peed either. He vomited, and his stomach was moving funny I knew I had to get him to the vet the next morning. It was too late, the vet said the he had stones in his kidney his bladder and in his uretha. The surgery would have cost close to $3000. I didn’t have that kind of money. Then she told me what would needed to be done – she said she would have to make Tigger into a girl. She said it was best to put him down. No chance of a payment plan. I just don’t know how to get over all this guilt. Everywhere I look in my apartment I want to see him when I wake up in the morning I want to see him meeting me in the hallway. Can someone please help me get over this guilt. And how I didn’t know he was sick all this time. I love and miss my Tigger so much.
Hi Jennifer. I just had to put down my beloved dog Scooby yesterday 3/12/2015. He was 14..and a similar situation. He had dementia, and had been going to the bathroom on the carpets lately- then falling down stairs all the time which would have eventually killed him. It was awrful- I did not have the money to keep purchasing all the meds they wanted me to give him and the visits got more and more expensive. I decided to put him down yesterday- and I feel intensely guilty today- it’s natural to feel that way. Last night I kept thinking I could hear him panting and walking around…today I opened a can of tuna and thought “Oh- Scooby would want some”- only to remember he is now gone. I feel for you and I’ve been tearing up all day and all yesterday. You did the best you could and provided your loving pet with a good home. It takes time- you will always remember your pet and he will always live in your heart.
Hi Jodi thanks for replying
I am so sorry for your loss of your dog Scooby. I am still missing Tigger. But I am taking it day by day it helps to have websites like this to share our grief. And I know we did the right thing by putting our pets down so they would nit suffer. But it is still so hard. Take care and just know you are not alone.
Jennifer…I am going through the exact guilt feelings you are talking about. My 6 year old cat had some symptoms that I did not catch on to, so I am feeling totally responsible for everything. He also had urinary blockage. He just died on Saturday (03/14). I got up in the morning and he had vomited all his food up. He gave a couple cries like he didn’t feel good. I consoled him and had to finish getting ready to leave town for the day. I checked on him as I was getting ready. When it was time to leave, I couldn’t find him. I thought maybe he went under the bed to feel better and be alone. 15 hours later I came home….when I stepped in the door he was crying horrible cries of pain, had vomited up quite a bit. I felt awful. I called the vet, which I then had to drive 40 miles to bring our cat to him. He said our cat had urinary tract infection, the vet was giving him a catheter and meds, told me he would be there for a few days. Said he would call me in the morning. Well, he did, but only to tell me that our cat passed away during the night. What a horrible feeling. I expected him to be fine. I didn’t stay and hold him or say my good-byes at the vet’s clinic, because he was supposed to be fine. I am hoping he wasn’t in excrutiating pain when he passed. I hope he didn’t think I had abandoned him. I feel awful for not staying a little longer in the morning before I left, just to make sure he was fine. I’m going through those same feelings as you. I am taking this death just as hard as a family member, because he is our family. Our 2 other cats are taking this so hard also. The one cat is from the same litter, so they have done everything together. I just ordered a book that relates to healing when we lose our pets and it talks about some people who have spiritually experienced something with their pet regarding their after life. I am hoping this will give some peace. My best to all of you who have lost your pet also….their unconditional love will never be forgotten.
Hi Janel
I am so sorry about your cat I know how you are feeling. When I took Tigger to the vet my daughter left for work in the morning and I didn’t tell her that I was taking him to the vet because I thought that I was bringing him home. I had to text her to tell her that I had that put him down. At least you tried to save your cat and I know that he knew you loved him .
Know that our pets loved us unconditionally. And you are not alone.
I am going through this exact situation today….
Hi
I had my beautiful black cat noodle since I was 21, and im now turning 43. On Wednesday 28th Jan 2015 I made the dreadful decision to have her put to sleep. In the last 18 months she has given up on life. All she wanted to do was sleep, her renal functions were failing, and she had lost so much weight she looked emaciated, and she had stopped cleaning herself. She was such a proud and beautiful dainty cat who loved to be loved. By Christmas she could even be bothered to come into the lounge and love us, and although she never complained when she was picked up you could tell it was uncomfortable for her. I have been in denial for a long time thinking as others have that it was time and she come back a little better for a time. On Tuesday I decided it was time, why I chose to see the vets Wednesday I dont know. I knew that she wouldnt be coming home, and I felt that it was something I had to do by myself. She has seen me meet my husband, settle down, Marry, have pink things, (Children- we said pink things as she always looked disgusted when they were brought home) the eldest of whom is 13. I cried myself to the vets and cried waiting for her to be seen. She was very resigned. I held her and calmed her whilst the vet helped her on her way. I to be truthful am just devestated. I miss her so much and the worst thing is trying to comfort my eldest daughter who is beside herself with grief. I feel guilty that she died at my hand, mean for the lack of time ive spent with her, and concious I made her go outside as I thought being in all the time was bad for her. What is compounding my grief is my daughter and husband have both said they felt her!! My grief is raw, and i dont know how to move forward at the moment , please help me understand. I almost need her to forgive me!!
Hi
I know exactly how you feel. This monday [ 2 Feb 2015 ] I put my 17yr old tabby to sleep. I have never felt so ashamed/guilty. She had lost huge amounts of weigtht, eyesight failing, soiling in the house every day, falling off chairs. Basically she looked confused and scared all the time. Her mind and body was just falling apart. I am glad I stayed with her till the end, her last breath is all I can think about. The guilt/regret of not waiting longer is unbelievable. I miss her so much. I wrote this the day after, came so close to uncontrollable tears/sobbing when writing it:
Always will I remember you
Mon 2 feb 2015 was the day I lost you, i am so sorry cassey
Never will you be forgotten, always will I be thinking of you
Goodbye cassey, my beautiful girl
RIP my friend, 17 yrs my companion – always by my side. Never forgotten
I’ve read every single one of your comments trying to find some common feeling about the loss of a dog. I’ve found a lot but I’m still deeply struggling with my biggest consuming feeling.
My baby boy Bobby, a tri coloured collie cross, had to be put to sleep 3 days ago. He was 14-16 years old and in the last couple of years he started to get multiple little lumps around his body, the first was on his tail and we were so happy to find it was benign and he had the operation to have it removed and recovered perfectly. Then in the last year or two he started getting more, smaller ones, and we were told they were fatty lumps luckily. But a year ago he started having a lump protruding out of the side of his front leg; it grew a lot until the diameter looked bigger than the leg’s width. I’m someone who goes to the doctors and vets to get anything checked out with a ‘better to be safe than sorry’ attitude so with everything my dog had, we always checked it out and thankfully, it could always be fixed. We would spare no expense on him, despite not having much money, whatever he needed. We tried to test this new lump but twice the cells they extracted through a needle were inconclusive, and we were told the only next thing we could do is biopsy or just take it off, but it would obviously require surgery and him going under anaesthesia. The word cancer started being tossed around. He was 13 at this point and we knew there were much higher risks for an old dog having surgery, but was assured by the vet that if his pre-surgery blood tests to test liver function etc were fine there was no reason he wouldn’t come out fine. So one morning I dropped him off, having taken the day off work so I could dash to the vets and bring him home as soon as he was done, but only an hour later got the call that his bloods suggested his liver was failing and surgery would be very dangerous. So we lived with the lump, being told it’s hopefully benign and as long as he’s not bothered by it or has any symptoms he should just carry on as normal. But the lump kept growing and eventually his skin was stretched so much that it started to split and weep a little. We were told when it got to this point the only option we’d have is to try and keep clean for a short while before he would require the surgery no matter what, knowing he could well die on the operating table. I kept it clean and plastered it up 24/7 and somehow it paused growing and with the help of hardening the skin with silver nitrate it held steady and was fine. I’d call him ‘my little miracle’ and he was a fighter!
Then, within the last year we also noticed his legs were getting a little weaker, not too bad, but that he was getting arthritis. It was mainly his back legs, we could see it took a little more effort for him to stand up, but it didn’t seem to bother him. Then his other front leg, the one without the lump, started growing around the ankle. It felt rock hard so the vet and us put it down to calcification and arthritis. But it grew and grew and then his paw started growing too. The ankle didn’t seem to bother him, we could move it about and he didn’t care but now it was the paw that started hurting him, if we stretched it back and forth he’d wince. Once again the vet said it was arthritis. We’d put him on glucosamine and special food to help all it could. We thought that it would be this lump that would burst and be what would take him from us, but it turned out to be his other front leg.
One day on a routine check-up, the vet felt the paw and suddenly surprised us and said it was most probably a tumour. This brought back all the fears of cancer. He was limping by this point, but he was still very happy in himself, still wanting to run and chase balls and as long as we didn’t stretch his paw he would carry on as normal. Once again we were reminded that he was an old dog and probably didn’t have much time left despite whatever all of these things were going on with him, but were told again, as long as he’s happy to just keep going. Throughout the last year with the multiple other things going on with him it just became routine that I would feed him differently and work harder to get him to eat. His appetite hadn’t gone but he was being an extremely picky little thing, so first we changed him to more appetising wet food, then when he went off that, he ate ham, chicken, sardines, baby food, and still some wet dog food half the time. It was just my usual routine to have him lye on his blanket while I fed him by hand anything that he fancied until he’d had enough grams to serve him. Sometimes he wanted more and still would rarely turn down his treats. He was truly a spoilt little boy, and we were glad to do it! He was plodding along and I was doing every single thing I could for him, and he was still my happy little pup. Then 4 days ago, we took him in the car to a park. He had to jump in the car and jump out, and then he ran for sticks. At some point we noticed he wouldn’t put the paw down and put weight on it and was hopping along three legged, still trying to chase sticks though, so we hoped he had just sprained it a little while running, like many times before, and just needed to rest it, by tomorrow it would be fine. When we got home I took his little support bandage off that he’d been wearing while going out for a few months, and his leg looked bent. I felt it and it was clicking and he was in a lot of pain when I tried to move it. I knew it was broken. My dad came home and he is always very optimistic for me, so he was assuring me is wasn’t. But we got an emergency appointment at the vets within an hour and he was put in for an x-ray. It was confirmed it was broken, and all my fears were that he’d need an operation which he probably wouldn’t survive, but my optimistic dad was saying they would just put it in a cast and tell us to keep him resting it. We went to look at the x-ray and the vet seemed to take forever to get her sentences out like she didn’t want to tell us bad news. And there it was. He had bone cancer and the x-ray showed the tumour had eaten his bone inside out in his ankle and there was basically nothing there. The full brake happened just above the tumour and there was nothing they could do, no other bone for the bone to mend to. The only other option was said to be amputation but we were told his quality of life would be terrible as his other three legs weren’t the best anyway and he’d suffer a lot. The vet said then and there we have to put him to sleep and, in all his vet appointments which I always took him to where I feared the worst, I had learned to keep it together and be fairly clinical about whatever needed to be done, but in the moment when I realised what the vet was trying to tell us I completely lost it. I suffer from severe chronic anxiety anyway and so went into a panic attack through my tears. Even though I think I subconsciously knew deep down for the last year he was living on borrowed time and one of these days we would have to say goodbye, I couldn’t seem to comprehend it and just kept shaking my head through my tears to say ‘no, I will not put him to sleep’. They vet was very patient with my awkwardness and probably some degree of anger I was throwing her, but she said that he had to go and if we didn’t agree they would have to get higher up people involved because it was for his welfare. Well that hit me how serious it was. I begged to take him home and she agreed that we could have him for the night on painkillers but I would have to promise to bring him in first thing the next morning. I couldn’t make myself promise that, I was saying crazy things like I’d run away with him and he’d be fine. I’m 24 but still living at home largely because of Bob, so I’m an adult but was not handling myself very well. Luckily my mum and dad were there and promised he would be brought back tomorrow. I felt a strong sense that the emergency had been diverted, I got them to let me take him home and all was going to be well. I slept maybe 20mins that night, having him on my single bed with me, elevating his paw, and cuddling and smoothing him exactly how I knew he loved it. He was awake a lot but also slept and snored as usual and ate some food. I took photos and videos, but when it came to morning and the last hour, I was still saying no, and when reminded that the welfare would get involved I just kept saying ‘it’s not their choice, its ours, they can’t make us’, but deep down I must have known it was for him, to put him at peace, no longer suffering. So the last 20mins came before his appointment and I got up and ready, took him out to the car and got him all excited that he was going for a drive, which he loved, just ignoring the facts of where he was going.
I walked him into the vets and got him laid down on the blankets they had ready for him. I couldn’t leave. I told him he was my best friend and the best boy in the whole world, kissed his paws, ears, head a million times. Tried to get him to wag his tail one last time or give me a high five but he wouldn’t. I knew he was in a lot of pain and not happy. The vet was once again patient and let me just lye there and talk to him through my tears for a while, but when my dad, who was also losing it, tried to get me to go, the vet chimed in and said ‘it’s time’. I had to leave him. My dad had to literally drag me out the door and out of the vets. I kept pulling back to go see him again. I must have been so loud, crying and saying ‘no, I want to go back’ a million times, I had lost all control. My dad had told me, having had other dogs, that I wouldn’t want to see him go and the injection being given, that we should leave and say goodbye, and the vet does it when we’re gone. That I should remember him how he was. I had done my internet research and learned that they may urinate as their muscles relax while being put to sleep and may twitch etc and I wouldn’t want to see that. But in these days that pass now I feel I will forever regret not being there for him. Not holding him and talking to him in the final moments. I read that’s it’s my last duty as a loyal owner. I know that’s not always true, and if I was upset in the room it would make him upset and maybe suffer, so considering how distraught I was I know it was a good thing, but I just hope he wasn’t wanting us there and that it happened fast and peacefully. His little face watching us go out the door and looking at us like ‘where are you going?’ is imprinted in my mind. As he got older he didn’t mind the vets, he must have learnt that we took him there when he didn’t feel good, they’d fix him and we’d always come and get him and bring him back home after, all better. I hope he was thinking that at the time, with the pain he was feeling, we brought him there to be fixed so he wasn’t scared, and he wouldn’t have known anything after that.
The rest of that day went in waves; I would go from losing it, to cuddling in bed watching TV to keep my mind off of it, to losing it again. I had a few more panic attacks, and going up to bed without letting him out in the garden for his business and bringing him up to bed with me killed me. The next day I slept most of the day and was wondering why I wasn’t feeling much. I don’t know whether its numbness, that I’m all cried out (because boy did I cry probably to dehydration that day!) or whether it was because I stayed in my room most of the day and for all I knew he was just downstairs sleeping. I wasn’t walking around the empty, silent house bathing in him not being there. But day three I felt more than ever that I couldn’t remember his face anymore and wasn’t feeling as much as I should, and now day four, I can’t understand it. I’m being told that I have just accepted it and know that he needed to be set free from suffering, that’s why I seem more ok than I should be. It seems ridiculously too soon. No one should ever get me wrong, that boy was my heart, my soul, the love of my life and as we both got older I just loved him more and more and couldn’t have felt more love for him. I find at some times I look at photos already and am finding it hard to connect and remember the touch of him, or looking in his live eyes. I don’t understand this. My dad is still having bursts of tears and getting choked up, maybe because he’s out at work all day (my health doesn’t permit much work for me at the moment) and distracted from it, and only feels it when he comes home, whereas I’m at home most of the time, soaking it all in much sooner. I don’t know, but I feel so guilty at how I’m feeling. I miss him so much and want more than anything to see him in his spots around the house and cuddle him and play with him, but it also doesn’t necessarily get me too upset everytime, BUT IT’S BEEN FOUR DAYS! It makes no sense! I’m also on antidepressants anyway, and I’m wondering if they are blocking it for me, that’s why.
Has anyone else felt this? I feel abnormal and so guilty!
Thanks for letting me share Bob’s story, it feels therapeutic to write about him.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I said goodbye to my sweet Josie today. And was looking for support when I found your post. You may have read this at some point- but there are 5 stages to grief. There’s no particular order in which you’ll experience then and you may not experience them all. I’m just guessing that you might be going through a denial/ numb phase. I don’t think that in 4 days time you have completely finished mourning and have accepted the loss of your best friend. It’s possible you gave been so immersed in your grief that something within you has kicked in as a sort of self preservation. Be patient with yourself. Don’t judge yourself for what you are or are not feeling. It will come in waves. There is no proper way to mourn and everyone is different. You loved him very much and losing a best friend and family member is a devastating loss. You will heal in your own time.
We had to put our 14 year old dog, Josie, down on Tuesday night. She had had a couple of
other episodes where her stomach would swell up rather quickly and would be in lots of
pain. It turned out that her stomach had turned over and was twisted, not allowing any
gases to pass either way. We are assuming that this is what happened to her on two previous episodes in the last six months and did not know what caused it.
Our vet took x-rays and told us that he could operate but wouldn’t guarantee that she would
survive the surgery mainly due to her age so the only other option was to euthanize her. We didn’t want her to suffer anymore so we spent some time just getting Josie to calm down before letting the vet administer the shots. She went quickly and calmly but my wife and I are feeling like we should have waited some more time to see if this ‘spasm’ would have gone away on its own as the previous episodes. We realize that its too late to know if it would have corrected itself but think that this would have happened again down the road probably more sooner than later. She was a really sweet dog and didn’t deserve this and neither one of us can quite shake the feeling that we could have done something else or waited longer.
My name is Mike. Yesterday, I had to euthanize my baby Kia after having her for 12.5 years. She was my heart. I love her so much. She was a german shepherd/collie mix. I fell in love with her the first day I had her. She developed cancer about two years ago. She had tumors throughout her body. Most were benign. But she had a malignant tumor on her spleen and in her mouth. The vet told me two years ago that she would have only have limited time to live. I was in denial. I believed my beloved Kia would live at least to till she was 15 or 16 years old.
Within the last couple of years, she developed diabetes after having tumor-removal surgery. She developed arthritis in her bag legs. She developed cataracts from the diabetes. Recently, I found out she had heart-arrhythmia. She had so many things going on with her; but she managed to show me the same love she has shown me for the last 12.5 years.
I made the decision to euthanize her because she couldn’t walk well due to the arthritis. She wasn’t eating well; and she would just sleep all the time. Yesterday, she was defecating and due to the arthritis in her back legs she just fell back right into her waste. I knew then, I could not allow her to live this kind of life if I loved her so much.
I made an appointment with the vet. He was very good in consoling my partner and I after the process. I cried and cried. I am still crying over the lost of my baby. I can’t shake the guilt. I pleaded with her after euthanizing her to forgive me. I feel like I killed my dog. It hurts so bad. I know in time I will see that I did the right thing. Right now, I am in so much pain.
Hi Mike,
I know exactly how you feel, i had the exact same problem with my 12 year old girl and had to make the decision on Wednesday to give her her wings. It is so heartbreaking cause these dogs become part of you. I feel like I’ve lost a limb, and everywhere i turn something reminds me of her. I hope you start to feel better, i believe even if we euthanize – our dogs tell us it’s time; I always heard that, and thought, how? But the way Maggie looked at me Wednesday morning and cried when i tried to help her up for a wee, I knew it was time. All the best, Kristy.
Hi Mike,
I truly hope you are beginning to feel some peace in your heart now. When I read your words, ‘she was my heart’, I resonated instantly as these are the exact words I used to tell my little best friend and furry soul companion of 15 yrs, Gem, most every day. Like Kia, my little girl was ill for the last 2 1/2 years of her life – her strength and the love she shared during this time was unwavering. Through my work as a healer, I have had a few animals that have been assisted to cross come through over the years, always with messages of the deepest love & gratitude for their people – never once has there been an issue around forgiveness or blame for what occurred. Even knowing this, I struggled overwhelmingly when I found myself in the situation of making this decision myself 2 months ago. After several weeks of beating myself up, my girl came through and I asked her if I’d done the right thing for her at the time and she gave me the greatest gift – she told me, ‘I was relieved.’ Through those simple words and some further things she showed me I was finally able to see the bigger picture, let go of the guilt I’d been putting myself through and acknowledge that she is very much still around me ( she’d been giving me so many signs of her continuing love but I’d been too grief stricken to truly acknowledge them)
Please know that I wish for you the greatest peace within and the knowing that Kia is still around, albeit in a different form. The love we share with our animal companions goes beyond this world – it is somehow purer, deeper and on a whole other level than that we often experience in other areas of our lives. Honour your feelings and allow yourself to heal as best you can – from what I’ve learned in the past few months, nothing makes our little friends happier than seeing us smile again.
Many Blessings, Michelle
Mike, I so feel your pain! I had to have my beagle baby put to sleep on Sunday, October 5, 2014. I can’t stop crying and questioning did I do the right thing even though he gave me that look like “it is time” the guilt and pain is just more than I can handle. I hope that everyone on this page finds peace with their decision. God Bless! Lisa
It is so hard to give them up. We had to euthanize our beautiful Weimeraner, Delilah, on Friday. She was 13 and was diagnosed with renal failure a year ago. We put her on a special diet and she rebounded and had a very good extra year. She developed a cough a couple of weeks ago and was diagnosed with a tumor. It was very difficult deciding when to let her go. On Thursday night, she coughed for a solid three hours. I knew it was time. We spent the day together Friday and the vet came to our house in the evening. I so appreciate his compassion. She was a very timid girl and was always terrified to go to the vet’s office. It was important to me that she not leave this world scared. It was very peaceful, and we buried her behind our house in the field she once loved to run. We are heartbroken, but I am at peace with the decision and had no doubt that the time was right. He younger weim “brother” is also in mourning. I am so thankful that we have him with us to keep the house from being so unbearably quiet. God bless all of the animal lovers who face this loss. I told my friends that I have realized that I miss the “healthy” Delilah, but I do not miss watching her decline and suffer. Those eyes…
I live in a family of five people. We had two male cats and one female- all from the same mother who got lost less that a year later after they were born. In my family I and my dad truly loved our cats. Our sisters and mother also showed some affection during the first year or so but later started getting tired and irritated by the mess the cats made. My dad would fight constantly with mom over the cats. Mom and sisters wanted the cats to be adopted or thrown into a “good” shelter. Apparently the cat smell was getting too much to handle. The cats were mostly indoor but we would leave them out in the mornings and they could always come back on time for their lunch. Sometimes they could come straight for dinner. Two or three times the males even disappeared for as long as four days but they would always come back home. As the kittens got bigger the males started fighting with eachother so we had to keep them separated from that point. But both of them were very close and never fought with the female cat. We loved all of them like children. My dad was very obsessive when it came to feeding the cats or cleaning after them. When he was home he would spend almost the entire day feeding the cats or cleaning their litters or letting them out. It would take him two hours just to prepare and feed them their meals. This routine really made my sisters and mother angry so one day they had a big fight about this. I do agree my dad was over obsessive when it came to taking care of the cats. But the problem started after the male cats developed mange. Now my dad would spend almost 3 hours in the evening feeding and putting medicines on the cats. I thought he was putting more care than necessary. He would just keep rubbing the medicine for a long time. This routine was no affecting everyone’s time. We asked dad that we would put the medicine and feed the cat because we wouldn’t take very long but he didn’t think we would do it properly. Then there is my mother who would always start a fight over some small issues about the cats like how the cats made a mess. My dad didn’t agree to a proper timing of cat care (instead of an entire day over-obsessive care) and my mothers and sisters felt the cats were making too much mess and taking too much of everyone’s time and effort. Finally after another big fight over the cats, my dad (the dictator) decided to take the two male cats infected with mange to an animal shelter which promised to take care of them and then get sign them up for adoption. Two days after the cats were dropped off, we got a call from the shelter that one of the cats had escaped and is now lost. This was a very sad news because the animal shelter promised they would take good care of our cats. But we though it was a mistake maybe the cat escaped. We tried searching for him but he couldn’t be found. We lost him. Another male cat was still in the shelter. They said they were safely keeping him, giving him proper medical treatment and so on. Then one day we receive another call from them saying the cat had stopped eating and that we should come pick him up. When we asked was he in good health, they gave us a very offensive reply – “if your cat dies it is not our responsibility”. So we rushed there only to find our cat in skin and bones, He hadn’t eaten for days. Looking at his poor condition, we took him to a vet. Now comes the saddest moment of my life. Just when I was about to show the cat to the vet, he looked up at me and then started coughing. He died right there. I don’t know who to blame- myself for not being able to take care of the cat or for not convincing my dad that I could take care of it properly without his over-obsessive help or do I blame my mother and sisters for uniting to get the cats outside of our home. Both the cats were really sweet. They were not the typical lap cat because they always preferred to be on their own but they forgot their home and always came back to us. We took them out of their house, put them in a shelter to die and now have live with this guilt forever. Never ever give up on your pets- you might think time will heal all the guilt but it will a lot longer than you would expect. Every time you see another cat or a picture of your pet, you will be reminded of your own.
Words of warning, Animal shelters in Nepal are a big hoax. They are in it only for the money from donors not because they are passionate animal lovers. Such shelters should all be banned specially for cats. They have no idea how to take care of cats but boast that they are experts in the field. They won’t feed your pets properly and if they have a hard time taking care of them, they will let the pets die of starvation.
My wife and I decided to put our female shar pei down on friday 05/03/2014. She had been vomiting for over a week many times a day. She had 2 very swollen lymph nodes as well. She stopped eating and drinking and wouldnt even take her treats. She was 8 almost 9 which is somewhat old for this breed. I noticed that for at least 3 to 4 days she didnt want to go out much less even get up off the couch. I was on thr floor giving her some love and noticed her stomach was growling, I think she was hungry but she wouldnt eat. Anyways I for some odd reason I thought that she might be very uncomfortable. I called the vet and made the appt. To put her down. I said my goodbyes and I stayed with my toddlers. My wife took her and called me a short time later saying that the vet offered to do up tp 400 dollars worth of tests of things that could be possibly wrong with her. My wife did say that the vet said her breath was horrible possibly consistent with kidney failure. I told my wife that in my heart I felt that she was suffering and not doing well. A short time later my wife arrived and was obviously upset. She was kind of quiet and I knew something wasnt right. After awhile she explained that phoebe our dog fought tooth and nail to be put down. We both have put dogs down before and its not a easy thing but our dogs seemed to have been peacful during the process. We are torn up that maybe we should have waited longer and maybe it was a sign that she wasnt ready yet. We feel horrible……………will this feeling go away. We feel like we killed our dog.
Michael , I am having the same feeling today. I had to put down my beagle of 13 years that was becoming anemic due to bleeding. He was losing interest in food, unless it was dog treats or pizza. But the blood stains on his bed and around the house was telling me it was time. Also the vet was saying I needed to avoid a rupture if at all possible. So yesterday I came home to a dog with fresh blood under his face, and figured it was time. But it was clear he had a lot of fight left, even in his weaker state, because he went fighting like your dog. I hope with I clearer head I will realize I still did the right thing to not wait. But now, I feel I did it too soon.
I put my beloved dog Bully to sleep 3 weeks ago. He had chronic reoccurring pancreatitis. i tried to do all the right things re diet and excercise. He had been to the vet many times in the last few months and so though he would recover from the bouts for a while something would come up again. One time I said to the vet his breath was really bad and they said give him a small bone with no fat it should be fine. He got sick straight away. Then he got some of the other dogs food . I had been feeding both dogs the science so he would not accidently get into the other dogs food. Because finance getting tighter i started feeding other dog normal food and i took my eye off them for a minute and Bully ate his food . Of course he got sick again. i called the vet who said to fast him 48hours . he went downhill that day i realize now I should have taken him in for hydration fluids etc but instead because of the costs got the vet to come to my home and put him down. I cry every day and night thinking I should have got him through this last bout and been more careful in future , I feel I letmy best friend, and my other dogs friend down so much and I have huge regrets.
My cat was hit and killed by a car on March 10, 2014. Seventeen days shy of his 4th birthday.. I feel terribly guilty and responsible for his death. I feel like if I had just kept him inside he would have never been killed. I feel like my actions – by allowing him to go outside – resulted in his death. And I feel terribly guilty for it.
Sometimes Life only accepts options of choices – This or that. And its really painful when you Adopt four kittens of size not more than fist bigger, give your blood and sweat in growing them up. And then you realize when they start growing up, your partner has issues with them suddenly. Then life moves its cards and makes me jobless and financially miserable and dependent on everyone, and all I had to do in a day is tear myself into three parts, going to a new job, living with my partner and living with my kiddos (3 cats and the one innocent poor Mr Tom). Made as mush I could in the available budget , even starving some days to drive to them in the other house and feed them, when one day money and helplessness didn’t allow me to fill fuel in my bike even to travel to them, just to find one cat dead mearly 4-5 hours ago and that too on my favorite cuddling blanket waiting for me as I had locked them up in an apartment. Poor kids were so innocent that when I tried to leave them in open , they didn’t even moved from the place and dogs tried to attack them.
merely 4 months later, i shifted to 1st floor apartment and one day my cutest cotton candy fluffy white cat disappeared probably jumped of the balcony. Searched like hell, didn’t find her.
Though in job, still am in severe financial dependency and have been receiving threatening calls from Landlords for vaccenting houses, so yesterday night decided to take a decision that I leave the two remaining cats in a huge central garden in between my office n home, so that someday If i cant reach them , they still would be able to feed them. Yesterday night, both of them refused to get into a big basket, so i bashed them and got them into it and left old house and relocated them inside the closed park gate, and broke into tears so went away before my heart went weak, couldn’t sleep entire night, early morning today rushed to the same place to feed them their food, Saw my sweet 17 pound innocent Mr. Tom lying dead, right a meter away from where i dropped him. He decided not to move without me and to succumb to death rather then live alone.
and I thought of me that I couldn’t even afford a decent burial of him, so left him with a gravestone on mercy of crows.
That feeling of financial helplessness when everyone bullied , and you just took their shit to keep kiddos alive and then one mistake , poor kid suffered in severe cold grass , entire night where if i had my own house I could had kept them as. His eyes , innocence of a baby, never scratched me never growled on me, just used to fold himself onto a ball and his poor eyes used to say plz don’t hurt me …..
never treated them like pets, though from my childhood have been associated with hundreds of animals birds reptiles fishes but never murdered anyone.
Eyes haunt, And its INDIA , where there are no animal organizations that come to rescue.
I should be hanged a dozen of times..
Marianne, I am so thankful for your website, for you and your loving way to give us comfort in these sad moments. I think you are an angel, or even better, a dog angel.
Thank You, reading all you post has helped me a lot.
Alejandra
I am having a terrible time dealing with the loss of my best friend. I feel like I was responsible for cheating him out of half his life by not watching him closer and now something else has come up… I have been punishing him for pooping on the floor in the basement only to find out my big cat is the one who was doing that. I feel horrible. I wish I could take it back. I wish I could tell him I’m sorry and I know it wasn’t him. I wish I could stop crying.
Thank you for this website. I feel a great deal of guilt, since the loss of our family cat “Bimi”, who died accidently 1 month ago. He was less than 3 years old, a friendly, but very independent cat. He was not really a lap cat who loved extensive cuddling sessions. Nevertheless he would never scratch the children (or me), and he was like a good friend to me. Always waited patiently in the morning till I got up, and ran down the stairways with me to the kitchen, where he got his breakfast food. The way he always looked at me, I had the feeling like having a “special connection” to him.
One morning a month ago, He wasn’t there to wait for me, but that was neither the first time it happened. Twice, three times a year, he took a break of 2 nights, but never longer. So I didn’t immediatley panic when he didn’t come back the second night neither. After the 3rd. night, I had however the feeling that something must have happened to him, so the same evening I patrolled the whole neighbourhood, the nearby forster border, and also the main road, which he normally avoided, but I wanted to make sure that he wasn’t hit by a car. I didn’t find him though. The next day, I putted his picture online, registred him as missed on multiple local “lost pet” websites, called all veterinarians nearby, the animal shelter, also the road maintenance to ask if they found a dead cat matching ours, and also hanged missing pet ads in our local store and post office. All in vain, he was unfindable. From then on, I walked every day another route away from our house and called him, but I couldn’t find him. I also putted ads in the next villages, just in case he got lost, maybe being chased by a dog. I didn’t know what to do else. In my head, I saw scenarios like our cat being hit by a car, his body than taken by a fox (there are many in our forests), or having been poisoned by rat poison, etc.. After 3 weeks, I started to loose any hope, as I thought that if he was locked-in somewhere (in a garage, or tool-shed, etc.), he wouldn’t have survived it without water or food. But I decided to make a last effort and putted “missing” ads at every bus station nearby, telling that I would even want to know it, if someone saw him dead. 3 days later I got a phone call: a lady said that she thinks she found him, but that he was dead. It was just a mere 80 yards away from our house, in a backyard tool-shed. The cat went obviously to sleep or rest behind some garden tools (pitchfork, showel, spade, etc.). Then, when he decided to leave, he somehow managed to squeeze himself between the rods of these tools, half hanging over a spade. Obviously he was locked into this position, not being able to move forward or backwards. My poor Bimi died there, all alone, and probably dying of thirst, pain (hanging over the edge of the spade), and starving. I feel like I failed him, because I didn’t search for him already on the first evening. He might still have been alive then, and meowing. I might have heard him if I went searching after him on this very first evening, or even the second. But I went only on the third. I really feel like I failed a friend. I’m a grown-up man, but can’t stop crying when I think about the way my Bimi died, and I feel guilty. He was still so young, and didn’t deserve this fate. I buried him then in a nice place in our garden. But the pain over his loss, and the way he died, doesn’t faint quickly. It will over time, he was not my first cat, but I miss him terribly.
My cat also died accidentally 2 days ago. I also feel like it is my fault. He snuck out to the garage and I found him in the morning, he basically was frozen because it was so cold. I rushed him to the vet but they said he passed just a couple minutes before I got there. It absolutely breaks my heart that I let this happen and didn’t check up on him that night. He was my little buddy and he didn’t deserve to die like that. I’ve never received more love than from him. I don’t think I will ever forgive myself or quit replaying what happened over in my head. My prayers go out to anyone in this situation.
Thank you for your reply Kim. I know exactly what you mean. I think I will neither forgive myself. Looking back, I should actually even have searched the same morning he went missing, even if it ment I came too late to work. It was winter after all, so the probability that he went astray was minimal. Me too, I feel like I failed and lost a true friend. I cried like a baby when I burried him.
What a wonderful site.I want to say thank you and I hope I can readjust my life,but very difficult,my story all too long and horrific.My child as she was to me ,who so many times in her short life span had truly saved me and protected me just woke up on the infamous FRIDAY THE13th and on the 19 of the month(sept 2013) she passed.I made her suffer and I too was very ill with colon CA. All too long to talk and truly cant not see thru the tears.Never have I suffered this much, more so than the dreaded disease that my baby saved me from. On my last chemo treatment that week she passed.I was so sick but I wouldnt give up on her.So many details ,she knew before I did that I was sick.Her behavior,she began to really get stuck to my side,she was a large AMERICAN STAFFY of 75 lbs and I had begun to dwindle down in my physical appearance and strength but every morning she would paw me and pull the covers off and let me know “come on daddy get up we have to go” and that kept me so motivated and we began our journey of her taking care of me.And it worked but as if she absorbed my condition and fell ill at the end of my chemo treatment.I just cant get over not being able to truly find help for her,She came down with the dreaded IMHA or AHMA tons of bad drugs to try to combat it and most of the vets didnt diagnose it correctly until it was too late 4500 dollars later my baby passed.I have no money but would try again to save her,I guess thats the insanity clause kicking in.I am just LOST nothing has returned to normal,dont think it ever will,there is no one to turn to and most dont understand “ah its just a dog ” is what I hear.How cruel and to not understand what pets me to some.I am alone no children ,no wife, no kids,she was my world and so gentle and sweet.To look into her eyes one could see that she was an extension of my higher power she was GOD like and besides who is just like the lord DOG spelled backwards tells you so.Unconditional love, always there in all of your moods and situations, TRULY by your side and loving you till there last breath.
So many details, she died in the middle of the night with me leaving her there and them telling me she is stable (blood transfusion) and kissed her good bye thinking in the morning we would be home together again,3 am she was in sever distress where I rec’d the call that she was going and i asked if we could stabalize until I got there (30 mins.away) they said no would be unethical,I asked if she could put the phone by her ear and I spoke to her,immediately her tail started wagging and I could her it hitting the gurney and then they pushed the propaphol and she pased.I havent been able to really get back to enjoy life anymore with out her.I do not want another for now.So much pain, crippling me ,keeping me locked in with so many regrets and painful memorys,I feel as if I lost a child,just paralyzed with sorrow. Why why? she was a Christmas eve baby born on a special day and never made her b/day she was only 7 and I had her 4 yrs.She was used as bait by the monsters and evil ones that do that to these sweet loving animals. She bounced back when I got her, putting 30lbs back on her and making her the goddess status she so well deserved.She was also a therapy dog for some friends I knew who had also gotten sick w/CA .I never rec’d so many sympathy cards and flowers for my sweetie. S he was so loved!! Life is tuff,I am with out a doubt severly depressed and I know its going to take time,but in my heart I dont think it will be anytime soon.I feel as if I got hit by a truck. Thank you for letting me cry out. I wish I had passed instead of her!!!
Thank you for sharing your story, Steve. I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved dog; she sounds like a very special and wonderful companion. I’m glad you found your way to my website and hope you can find comfort here.
Steve I lost my beloved AIMEE. on 18th OCtober 2014 she was 7years old I lost her to Imha.I had noticed she was becoming less exercise tolerant over several weeks , initially I didn’t have the money for vets bill but when I did get it I delayed in getting her for tests. Too late she became critical and unable to survive the treatment. She was badly treated before she came to me. A very frightened little girl I watched her blossom and grow then let her die. I cannot live with myself for this
I am feeling guilt because I didn’t bring my cat in when I noticed that she came into the yard when I went to get something from the shed. I was too busy “doing my own thing” and simply forgot that she was outside. She didn’t make it through the night. We think it was a coyote, so I will never see even her body again, just the little bit of fur that was left behind to mark the spot. I failed her, and I miss her so tremendously. Having a hard time forgiving myself. The house is so empty.
I am very distraught because this past Friday I decided to put my German Shepherd dog down at the age of 8. I adopted him at 2 from the SPCA and he was my sole companion for 6 years and I hugged him and kissed his long snout everyday and called him the love of my life. He was on prescription dog food for a sensitive stomach so when he got sick a week prior I knew I had to take him to the vet for some usual meds that he was on before but I didn’t think anything more than that. However, last Thursday 4am he had a series of about collapses which was so scary to witness, I thought he was weak from being sick but knew I had to get him to the vet. His heart rate was low and they suspected heart disease but needed a cardiologist to confirm it. The cardiologist said it could be Lyme disease so overnight I was expecting to go to work and then pick up my dog and come home with antibiotics. That morning I learned he collapsed more times and was not responding to the heart medication, to the antibiotic, and the parasite disease came back negative. They said he could die with any of the collapses and I prayed to just make it there in time to see him. I arrived and my dog greeted me and pulled on the leash, wanted to get out of there, barked at another dog and it was not what I expected but also he had times where he almost collapsed, was getting faint, and his breathing was struggling. They said he needed a pacemaker but that even with that the dogs with heart disease could collapse and die anytime. They also said there are risks with the procedure and some dogs can die from it. They said that the cardiologist said that when a dog collapses/faints 1x in two month period they might have a year left but my dog collapsed 10x in 48 hrs. so to me that was severe. I truly did not want him to suffer, I did not want him to go through the pacemaker, the recovery, more meds, and perhaps die anyway without that quality of life. They did give me the pacemaker option to go to another hospital for it but with how they painted it I just didn’t want him to suffer and go through more. I decided to put him down and it was so difficult to mourn his loss. The harder part now is that I started googling and found other sites that describe this pacemaker as “minimally invasive” and a “cure”, where dogs can go on to “fulfill their full lifespan and lead an otherwise normally healthy life given no other health complications”. I was not alone when I was making the decision against trying the pacemaker and I had financial limitations but I am just distraught now because this new information had it been given to me that way then I would have found a way to give my dog this pacemaker. This is the hardest thing I ever dealt with because it’s like I put him down and now find out that others describe this option that I was given and said no to was a “cure”. Of course I don’t know b/c maybe seeing my Cody’s collapses was factored into how they communicated this to me and they didn’t ever say he should get euthanized, it was my choice. It was just how they were describing it and my perception that he would suffer and I wanted to prevent that. I am truly burdened with so much guilt that I don’t understand how it’s even possible. I loved my Cody so much and all I wanted was for him not to suffer, I don’t feel they made me understand this pacemaker option and in fact I don’t think they should have been trying to answer my questions and giving me any feedback when they don’t even do the procedure there. There were a lot of things I should have done, he was my beloved dog, but I also think there were things those vets should have done differently as well. I don’t know how or if I will ever reconcile with the thought that my Cody could have maybe lived out a normal healthy life but he is not with me right now.
Georgette, thank you for sharing your moving story. It is a heartbreaking decision to make, and there is always uncertainties involved. My heart goes out to you for the loss of your beloved dog Cody. Please also read my reply to Alissa here on this page because it will be relevant for you as well.
I left my angel cat Kia alone in the animal hospital where she died unexpectedly, and her worst fear was being left alone to die in a hospital. Needless to say, I had guilt issues, and what helped me most was talking about it with Kia. See:
https://healingpetloss.com/comfort-from-the-beyond-communications-from-a-cat. Because direct communication has helped me and my husband so much, I have decided to provide a way for others who have lost a pet to connect with their own pet, and I will soon be releasing a meditation on meeting and connecting with your pet in the afterlife. If you are interested, keep an eye out for it.
I hope you may find comfort and inspiration here at Healing Pet Loss.
Peace and blessings, Marianne
Hello Georgette,
I am so sorry for your loss. I also had to put my boy to sleep and yes indeed, it is such a heartbreaking decision. On the other hand , we love our pets so much, that we do not want them to suffer a bit and that is such a blessing, that we can decide for them and that we owe them to take that call when we think it is the time. Just be loving to yourself and stop wondering what if… My dog had the best life and he gave us 12 years of pure happiness, so I can only be grateful for that.
All this is a process and it is natural that it will take time to heal, just focus on the wonderful memories you shared.
Alejandra
I, too, have been experiencing tremendous guilt about the recent death of Omar, a beautiful black cat who was only 5. I had been taking him to a vet who had been over-vaccinating him. He developed health problems from the time he was very young, which I later learned were caused by vaccinations. But his vet never made the connection, and continued to vaccinate him unnecessarily. Then I took him for a round of vaccines and he got very sick; he was sick for almost six months, and three different vets could not figure out what was wrong with him. Finally, his main vet’s associate discovered that he had a vaccine-associated sarcoma, a deadly cancerous tumor caused by vaccines. To my horror, I had to put him down. I am now racked with guilt. Why didn’t I see the red flags with this vet? Why didn’t I do some research about this? Why did I let her continue to vaccinate him? I feel that I was an unwitting accomplice in his murder! I also miss him terribly. How do I wrap my brain around something so horrible, which could have been prevented?
Hi Alissa, We cannot be experts on everything and we therefore rely heavily on professionals to give our beloved animal companions the best care and proper treatments. Especially in times of emotional distress when we need someone to help us, someone we can rely on, someone we can trust. When someone we trust fails us, it is not our fault. It can be easy to look back now and see what you could have done, but remember you did the best you could at the time with the most benevolent intentions possible and devotion that never faltered.
In times of emotional distress we are likely to be desperate and vulnerable and may be in a situation where we have no real choice but to believe blindly in an authority and suppress our own intuition, especially when we must make instant decisions. This can be a major reason for missing signs or signals along the way. Realize that you have already suffered greatly and Omar would not wish you to continue suffering (or suffer at all).
It will take some time, but remind yourself several times every day that the love you and Omar shared is deeper than your pain. Your deep connection and love for Omar is not lost, but buried under layers of pain. Death is not the end for Omar, only for his physical presence. The best thing you can do for Omar now is to find a state of peace and go deep into your heart space where Omar lives still, and connect with him there.
There are many more things I can tell you but there is not space here. My best advice is to get my Special Report package and follow the steps detailed therein. Peace and blessings, Marianne
Thanks, Marianne. This site is a blessing.
After our beloved dog, Naura, unexpectedly died from heart failure, it seemed that my heart would never mend. After a few months, we adopted a new little girl and named her Laura. Although I did not forget Naura and still miss her, having the new pup was a positive thing. Then after we’d had her only 9 weeks, she got sick one weekend and died on Tuesday, even though a trip to the vet on that Monday did not show anything positive in all the tests they did. With Naura, at least we knew what was wrong and what caused her death. And I have been comforted by seeing her in dreams. But I still feel guilty about the puppy. I don’t know what caused her to get sick and die and keep wondering was it something we did wrong. Although I have tried to see her in meditation and dreams, I have not. We loved her so much, even though we had her a short time. As was stated in the above, I have feelings of “wanting to change something that cannot be changed”. But I will try meditation again. Perhaps I can gain some better understanding of my feelings. Thank you for the article.
It’s a challenging and heartbreaking situation to be in when a beloved pet dies so suddenly, and especially if it is without any obvious reason. That can be hard to get to terms with. The need to know why is totally understandable – I’ve been there myself – and while we sometimes may get answers, then there are times when we don’t. Sometimes we try so hard to understand that we end up blocking ourselves from seeing and understanding; and it’s not until we surrender and let go of the need to understand that we see the bigger picture or get an insight we didn’t have before.
Thank you so much for the insight about letting go. It is common for me to hold on to stuff, which is not helpful in most cases. So I will surrender with the understanding that perhaps I’ll never know. Thank you for all you do.
I’m glad you found it helpful. And you’re definitely not alone in having a hard time letting go. It’s not an easy thing to do, and we often go through much suffering first.
My friend who is an excellent, attentive pet owner had a puppy die on him suddenly without knowing why. It is tough.